Family Life’s David and Meg Robbins: Marriage As a Team

Ann: —right in front of us.

Dave: —and rip up their divorce papers.

Ann: Yes!

Dave: They walk in on Friday night, not even liking each other, sitting on opposite ends of the ballroom, and then God starts to move. He takes hard hearts from Friday night through Saturday, and by Sunday, it's hard to explain: God does a miracle and resurrects a dead marriage, and they walk out, maybe for the first time in a long time, with hope.

Ann: —and a plan of how to make this thing work. Isn't it incredible how many years we spend in school, or in training for a vocation? How many years or hours or minutes have you spent learning how to make your marriage great?

Dave: You can come to the Weekend to Remember and spend the weekend getting tools and hope and a plan to change your marriage and make it what God wants it to be, and even change your legacy.

I'm telling you right now, you can sign up and get half off, if you sign up right now. FamilyLifeToday.com. Sign up for a Weekend to Remember anywhere in the country that you want to go, and I'm telling you, it will change you, and it'll change your legacy.

David: I just remember going, “Lord, I don't know what all these gifts that I've leaned on”—and ultimately, I was leaning on the Lord with them, but I was getting a lot of my own dopamine hits out of it, of satisfaction; of who I am and my leadership. God was taking them all away, and He was teaching me, in those years we were overseas, of the gift I have in Meg, and the gift I have of being able to be a team, and really getting at some of my pride and my own self-reliance in order to become a team, because I was in the way a little bit of us becoming a team for Jesus.

Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.

Dave: This is FamilyLife Today!

Dave: Alright, so 33 years as the Detroit Lion’s chaplain: you know what that meant?

Ann: A lot of losses. [Laughter]

Dave: Yes, and a lot of head coaches.

Ann: Oh!

Dave: How many do you think I went through? Different head coaches?

Ann: Eleven.

Dave: Good guess!  

Ann: Yes?

Dave: I think it was 12.

Ann: It’s because I’ve heard you say it. [Laughter]

Dave: Yes. Well, I mean, a couple of them made two weeks or three weeks, [Laughter] but most of them are several years. But here is why I’m bringing it up: because every time I met a new coach, I wanted to impress him; you know, like, “You’re going to keep me as your chaplain.” I wasn’t hired by the team, but the head coach could still decide: “Do I want this guy or not?” So, every time I wanted to impress the head coach, guess what I wanted to do? You don’t even know this.

Ann: I don’t know what you are going to say. 

Dave: I’m like, “He’s got to meet my wife.”

Ann: Aww, that’s nice!

Dave: I’m not kidding. You know this. You didn’t know this?

Ann: No.

Dave: It was strategic on my part, because I’m like, “Everybody has told me—so much so that it sort of got annoying: ‘You’re so much better with your wife. [Laughter] You’re good—but your wife and you—you’re so much better.’”

Ann: That’s really sweet.

Dave: I knew if my head coach could meet my wife, he’d like me. And remember Rod Marinelli?

Ann: No. I mean I remember Rod, but—

Dave: —of course, you remember Rod.

Ann: Yes, but I don’t know what you’re going to say.

Dave: I hope Rod’s not listening right now, [Laughter] because my wife just said, “I don’t even remember.” [Laughter]

Ann: No. I remember his wife Barb, too.

Dave: Yes, she was great. But I remember the first lunch we had together; after we were walking through the building e turns to me, and he goes, “Man, your wife is dynamite—you two together—wow, I’m looking forward to what happens.”

Ann: Did you tell me this?

Dave: I’m telling you now.

Ann: This is so nice, now that you’re telling me on the air.

Dave: Well, the reason I’m bringing that up is we’re sitting with a couple, right here in front of us in our studio, that I think is the same way.

Ann: Yes; me, too.

Dave: David and Meg Robbins. You two—well, first of all, let me say, “Welcome to FamilyLife Today.”

Meg: Thanks!

David: It’s good to be here with you guys in the studio.

Dave: When we met you a couple years ago, that was one of the thoughts I had—

Ann: Me, too!

Dave: It’s like, “You guys are so dynamic.” I mean, David, first of all, you’re amazing, unbelievable. Meg, you’re amazing.

David: But I am better with her, there’s no doubt; there’s no doubt.  

Dave: Yes, I mean, it was like one of these things—and you know some couples aren’t that way—but you guys; that’s why I thought of that. You are dynamite together.

Ann: Yes.

Dave: Even just a few days ago, watching you speak on stage, you were just—there’s charisma.

Ann: You’ve been married how many years?

David: Two decades. I mean, in thinking about being a team, we go back to that transformation [that] really happened in the trenches, when we weren’t on the stage, when we weren’t leading really anything hardly at all of significance. We were overseas in Italy. Man, some real transformation happened, being kind of in the wilderness for me, and me realizing how amazing Meg is and some gifts that she has.

Dave: And you’ve got four kids at home. Tell us a little bit about your family.

Meg: Okay, so I came into Ole Miss, the University of Mississippi, as a freshman, and David was actually my orientation leader. 

Ann: Oh!

Meg: That’s how we met initially. Actually, the genius move that he made was that, when I walked up, and he was calling roll—because he’s two years older than me, so he’s leading our group—he says, “Meg,” which if you don’t know this about me, my first legal name is actually Mildred. He says, “Meg,” and I just stand there, knowing that the roll doesn’t say, “Meg.”

David: So, I jump in, and I go, “Is there a Meg?”

Meg: “Does anybody go by Meg?” 

I was like, “Well, I go by Meg; but I’m pretty sure that’s not what your paper says.” He said, “Well, I didn’t think you’d go by Mildred.”

David: How risky and horrible was that?

Meg: What was he thinking?

David: Because Mildred’s a great name.

Meg: And I love my name, Mildred. So, anyway, it was funny. He had—my initials were M.E.G., and he saw my full name and thought, “This girl probably goes by her initials.”

Ann: That is a bold move, David.

Dave: Wow!

Meg: Isn’t that crazy?

David: I was saying things out loud in the moment. It was not on purpose! But it was a first impression. Whether good or bad, it was a first impression.

Meg: Yes, it definitely caught my attention. But when we came back to school in the fall, we were involved with Cru^® (Campus Crusade at the time); Cru was starting co-ed Bible studies. A girl invited me to her Bible study. She said, “The guy that I’m leading with—you may know him—his name is D-Rob.” I was like, “Oh, that was my orientation leader.” So, we were in the same Bible study for a semester. 

David: So, I got to see this freshman’s heart. I mean, she came into college—I needed two years! Thank goodness I was two years older than her. [Laughter] I rode the fence in lots of ways, but Jesus kind of got a hold of my heart. That summer [that] I was leading her orientation group, I went, right after that, over to Romania on a Cru summer mission. I mean, God just met me on how big of a God He is to all the nations. 

I came back on fire, leading this small group, and then, I got to see this freshman every week. Her heart just opened up; her love for Jesus. I just said, “Who is this freshman?!” 

Meg: Okay, but it is important to note that he came back so on fire. Well, I didn’t know him really before. I actually wrote in my journal—

David: —let’s just say, “Thanks to the Lord.” [Laughter] 

Meg: —I didn’t know him pre-Jesus, but I wrote in my journal that I wanted to marry somebody just like David Robbins. 

Ann: Come on! 

Meg: But I had no—he was a junior. He was kind of a big man on campus and was so passionate and on fire for the Lord, and it was so obvious. So, I journaled that. I was loving getting to know him, but never dreamed that it would be an option—that he would be interested in me! 

Dave: Why didn’t you write: “I want to marry David Robbins?” 

Meg: Because I didn’t figure that—

Dave: —“somebody like”? 

Meg: —it would ever be an option. I was a little freshman. 

David: Meanwhile, I’m like, “This is exactly the type of person I’d want to date and see if I’d want to marry. I mean, she has everything!” I’m telling my small group coleader: “Hey, Beth, I really got to start being careful, like redeeming my flirtation and my propensity to flirt. I’m really trying to follow the Lord in how I pursue somebody. So, I think we need to start leaving Meg out of our Bible studies and social activities.” 

Ann: What?! What?! Come on! 

Meg: True story. 

David: I’m overzealous; it just was overreaching. 

Meg, meanwhile, starts sharing—come October or so: “Hey, I’m loving being in a sorority, and meeting and having an impact to people who don’t know Jesus, but I really need Christian friends.” And I’m going, “We can’t invite her to our social stuff,”—

Meg: —isn’t that funny?

David: —"because I don’t trust myself!” 

Ann: Meg, I’m so sorry for you! 

Meg: I know, right?

David: I know. It’s on me.

Meg: I mean, it paid off in the long run. Later, when we were dating, something came up about that, and I was like, “Wait, what?” I was like, “I knew you all were doing all that stuff, and I was wondering what was going on.” Because I would see my friends—

Ann: —yes.

Meg: —and they’d be like, “Aren’t you coming? Everybody is coming from our small group.”

David: I’m so sorry.

Ann: And you’re saying, “No, I wasn’t invited.”

Meg: I was like, “I didn’t even know about this event.”

David: I’ve apologized, and the Lord has forgiven, but [Laughter] what’s true is, the day that Bible study ended in December—that next day, I called and asked her to our formal/Christmas formal.

Ann: Oh.

David: We went; we had a great time. She danced.

Meg: Everybody’s question when—leading up to, “Oh, who are you going to this formal with?” and I would say, “D-Rob.” And they would say, “Oh! I hope you like to dance.” I probably had 15 people say, “Oh! I hope you like to dance.”

David: [Laughter] Anyway. But then, after that formal, we went out to lunch and just kind of laid it out. I had seen what I wanted to see. We went really slow, because we started dating when she was a freshman. 

Dave: Did you come on staff right out of college? 

David: We did. I remember December 31st, 1998, being in a hotel ballroom at a conference that Cru was putting on. I was praying that month, “Lord, I love advertising. I want to go to New York and live that, and there is gifting there, but I feel this pull to serve You, full time, for a season.” 

I remember, I was going through 1 Corinthians, and was on December 30^th—I was taking the month to pray about it. I was really asking the Lord: “Would You show my by the end of this month?” —which, you know, I would have kept following Him, if not, and trusting Him, but that’s what I was really trusting Him for. It was 1 Corinthians 8 on orderly worship on December 30^th, [Laughter] and I’m like, “Oh, come on! Lord, I need for you to show up.”

Then it was 1 Corinthians 9 on December 31^st, and “Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel.” I remember journaling, “Woe to me…if what?”—and then writing some things. In verse 19, “Although I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a bondservant to win as many as possible to the Lord.”

Ann: Yes.

David: In that moment, it was Jesus; the Spirit kind of met me in a sweet way: “If you’re free, David, to go do whatever profession and occupation you want to do, choose to be my bondservant. No matter what you do, everyone is a sent one, no matter what vocation they choose.” But I heard, kind of, the Spirit just whispering to me, “How about you serve Me full-time for a season?”

So, I jumped in. Two years later, Meg jumps in. Together, we started lifting our eyes to: “What would it look like to go to the world?” 

Meg: Yes, and honestly, for me, when we were dating and really serious, we knew we would be getting engaged pretty soon. He was joining staff, and I was kind of praying, “Lord, I know that I love ministry. I love being a part of this. I love what Cru is doing, so it’s an easy ‘Yes,’”—but I also wanted to know—“I would love to know, Lord, do You have this for me, too? Is this what You are calling me to?” So, I prayed for that and asked for that. 

Actually, when he was at staff training, I went on an overseas mission trip to Italy with Cru. During that time, at the very end, we were kind of debriefing, about to come back home. The Lord just used something that happened in Rome, and the verse in 2 Corinthians 5 that says, “Christ’s love compels us that those who live no longer live for themselves but for Christ who died for them.”

I just had this sense of urgency and taking that to the Lord of: “Okay, God. Yes, I am passionate about this. You’ve given me a love for this and a passion for this.’” I think that has been so crucial for us through the years; that God individually called us both, but also together. It’s just kind of written on our lives: just living for Him and wanting to say, “Yes,” to whatever He is calling us to at different stages in our lives. 

But when we first got married, we went overseas. Actually, after we were at the University of Mississippi—they placed him back there, which was super nice while I finished school—then we went overseas to Italy. That was our partnership at Ole Miss, at the University of Pisa. 

David: I do remember, though, right before we went, our first touch point with FamilyLife was actually, right before we went overseas, on our one-year anniversary. We went to a Weekend to Remember. It was an important one, because—

Meg: —yes. 

David: —it layered some things in our lives, where we were obviously committed to the Lord—God was moving in our lives; we had a great first year—but I was amazed, spending that afternoon at the Weekend to Remember, writing this love letter out through promptings of some things that had been covered that morning, going, “There are some layers of…”—they weren’t secrets in my life, but they were insecurities in my life, things I wasn’t disclosing to her. 

It wasn’t that I was trying to hide them. It was just that God was really, in that weekend, showing me: “If you want deeper intimacy, keep disclosing, keep going there. You have this bride”—that we were meant to be more one and draw closer together—“even in your insecurities.” It was such a critical moment for us. 

I remember sharing that love letter with you, and you just affirming me in some deep important ways. [I thought], “Why am I holding on? Why am I not disclosing this to her? She loves me and will show grace to me.” It really deepened us in some important ways before we went overseas. 

Ann: I can remember, when we went to the Weekend to Remember conference two weeks before we got married, and the love letter is a significant part of that conference; isn’t it? 

Meg: Yes. 

Ann: I remember thinking—I shared some things with Dave, too, of insecurities that I had never shared. It just exposes the fear, the insecurities. I think that’s exactly where God wants us to go: to be totally exposed, totally known and seen. 

David: Yes. 

Ann: You’re scared, like, “Will I still be loved?” 

David: And there is something about getting away for a weekend,—

Ann: —yes.

David: —and being guided through it, that makes it really safe, you know?

Ann: Right.

David: It’s not scary, because there is that safety of being guided in that process. 

Dave: You know, it sounds like you’re setting up a Weekend to Remember promo—[Laughter]—because—

David: —not intentionally; this is just our story, man! [Laughter] 

Meg: It’s a true story!

Ann: And it is ours, too! 

Dave: I don’t know if our listeners know, [but] this week, in fact, if you want to sign up for a Weekend to Remember, it’s half off. If you are anything like me, half off is like, “I’m jumping on that deal right now.” 

The conference—it’s interesting—it’s similar to what you went to and what we went to in 1980. What was your year? 

David: Ours was 2001. 

Dave: Yes, but it’s a whole new conference.

Ann: Updated, yes. 

Dave: It’s, amazingly, the same content presented in a fresh, new way. I would just say to a listener right now, “If you’re listening to this, and you’re thinking, ‘We should go,’”—

Ann: “You should go.” I’m just going to repeat: “You guys, you should go!” 

Dave: —“you have to go.” Even if you are apprehensive, just go Friday night, and I bet you you’re going to stay the weekend. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com; you can sign up right there. You can go to any city you want. There is probably one right near you; but pick one and go. 

Ann: So, I would say—just as you said, David—there is something about getting away. Like those love letters—you’re not going to write the love letter [at home]; you could at home, but you are busy: the demands of life are pulling at you; kids. This is a time where you can really see each other, focus, hear God’s biblical viewpoint for marriage: “Why did He want us--or what was God’s idea behind marriage?” We really hope you’ll go. 

Meg: Yes; I think one thing that was so, so significant for us, years ago—and we still see so true today about the Weekend to Remember—is the questions and the intentionality that it frames up for you.

You’re right; you could sit at home and try to write a love letter; but what brought those things out were just the content, for sure, but even more so, just questions that it was asking us to think through that we realized—both of us realized: “Wow, there are things deep in my heart that you don’t know about me yet, and that I need to take a step into more intimacy with that.”

David: We’ve been to four nowm as participants. In those four, in different seasons of life, even though the content may be similar, the seasons of life we are in are not. 

Ann: Yes. 

David: So, God just unearths, and His Spirit moves uniquely in each one of our lives in such unique ways, and it is pretty powerful. 

Dave: How many couples come up to us every time we do a Weekend to Remember and go, “Hey, you changed the conference”? [Laughter] Like: “No, we didn’t; you’re in a different place.” 

David: Yes. 

Meg: So true.

Dave: They hear it totally differently, and that’s why you go back.

But even now, it is a different conference. 

David: It really is refreshed, and it’s cool; yes. 

Dave: You need to come back. 

Talk about what that has been like, as a couple, leading a major ministry, not just yourself—you have the title, “President”—but you really are a team. Talk about that. 

David: For us, it really does start right where we left off, back in Italy. When we went there, Meg—I was so attracted to who she was in her relationship with the Lord, and the way she served—she really was a powerhouse for influencing others around her; but I had my own things I was trying to prove.

So, we went to Italy, and everything that I had built up around me, to prove myself as a leader or as a man—those were knocked away. I loved diving deep with men, and I had this whole chain of discipleship. I loved the depth of discipling men in their interior world. 

You know what? In Italy, there really weren’t that many believers to disciple. To add a little complexity to that, I didn’t know the language, and I was really bad at the language. I learned very quickly [that] I was the worst on my team at the language. [Laughter]

Yet Meg, we discovered, really had this gift of being able to share her faith in such a natural way. I was always busying myself or distracting other parts of the conversation with other people in the room while she was jumping into these conversations in this very secular place like Italy. She would just naturally get into spiritual conversations, and within three months, she was having spiritual conversations in Italian. She was the best—

Meg: —that might be a stretch, but—[Laughter] 

David: Well, close. I mean, she was the best on our team at language, or one of the best. 

I just remember going, “Lord, I don’t know what all these gifts that I’ve leaned on,”—and ultimately, I was leaning on the Lord with them, but I was getting a lot of my own dopamine hits out of it, of satisfaction of who I am in my leadership. God was taking them all away. He was teaching me, in those years we were overseas, the gift I have in Meg, and the gift I have of being able to be a team, and really getting at some of my pride and my own self-reliance in order to become a team; because I was in the way a little bit of us becoming a team for Jesus. 

Meg: I think, probably, we went into that season—and coming out of college, and out of David being on staff and me still being a student—I was kind of like the cute, little sidekick for him. I think he probably would admit—

David: —yes. 

Meg: —and you’ve said it before; that’s probably how you saw me. 

David: I think I am the one who originated that phrase. 

Meg: You did; you did. 

David: I grieve that I viewed you as a bonus sidekick to this mission I’m on; you know?

Meg: I think, for me, too, though, I probably had some insecurities and felt like he was the one with the role of leader in ministry and things like that. But, when we were in Italy, we really did—I mean, we needed each other; we had different giftings that complemented each other. I mean, I might be able to speak the Italian; and he might be able to rally the fun, and keep the energy in the room up, or whatever. 

David: But let’s also admit—our date nights only in Italian were miserable. [Laughter] That was one of the—

Meg: —that did not work out. 

David: —assignments from the language school. [Laughter]

Dave: You had to talk in Italian on your date night? 

Meg: Well, we tried for a few minutes. 

David: Which lasted all of, “Alright, let me just hear your commentary in monologue,” because, I mean, I was just so bad at it. 

Meg: Well, you were used to being good at things that you were trying that were new; and you hadn’t had language since 9^th grade Spanish. 

Dave: Look how she is building you up. 

Ann: Yes. 

Meg: See?

David: It was bad, y’all. 

Meg: Yes. Anyway—but that year was so formative for us just to really—for me—believe more in who God has made me to be, and how He brought us together. 

Dave: What you talked about and modeled as a team is inspiring; because I think a lot of us men—and I can’t talk for the women; the women here will have to say if this is true or not for women, or wives, and moms; but for us, as guys—I think there is a lot of insecurity in us that we don’t realize is in there. You even hinted at it in yourself, David. I know it’s been in me, and probably still is, where I want to be the man. 

My wife can be viewed, even by her own husband—I know Ann has felt this, like, “She’s my sidekick. I’m the man. You support me. You make me look good. Stand beside me. Do whatever you need to do so that I win.” Rather than: “You are my equal partner. I value you.” Do you know what I’m saying? Have you ever felt that? 

Ann: I’m not sure—no, I don’t think I have, because you haven’t shown that. You’ve always given me a place and a voice, and I feel like you are encouraging me to be heard. But what I was thinking, Dave, too, is some men can be intimidated; because I can be pretty strong. I’ve talked to women that feel like their husband has pulled back so far, because he feels like he doesn’t have what it takes to offer anything, even spiritually, especially. 

Dave: Yes; and I would just say that’s definitely true. I would say to the men listening: “Bring out the best in your wife. She is an incredible, gifted woman that God has blessed you with as your partner.” 

A question I often ask is: “Is Ann fully herself because I am her husband?”—that I am bringing that out; or “Am I sort of holding that back, or even pushing her away, so that I get the light rather than [saying], ‘Man, oh man! God has given us amazing ability, as a team, to thrive together—whether it’s in a Bible study, on stage, you name it. “Right here, is her voice being heard?” 

I would challenge the men to say: “Is your wife’s voice being heard by you and by those you are ministering to?” Here is how you can find out: ask her—

Meg: —yes. 

Dave: —because she will tell you, probably, if it is true. 

When I’ve asked you, she’s—I mean, when I heard your story right now, I thought, “Man, you are not where you are today without Meg,” and Meg is—

David: —absolutely. 

Dave: It’s the beauty of God bringing us together—two are better than one. It’s the same for us. It’s been an incredible journey. I’m hoping that, especially, men hear this and say, “I need to do better, bringing out the best in my wife.” 

Shelby: What a challenge from Dave Wilson. How am I doing at that? Do I champion my wife’s voice? Do you, with your wife, if you’re a husband listening? Well, take some time and ask the Lord that sincere question and be willing to allow God to change you if that’s not happening in your marriage.

I’m Shelby Abbott, and you’ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with David and Meg Robbins on FamilyLife Today.

You know, in many ways, what we’ve been talking about today builds stronger marriages. When you’re thinking about your marriage as a team, as opposed to just individuals, you’re building a stronger marriage. And building that marriage that’s grounded in the Lord takes intentional effort. Investing in your marriage is something that requires intentionality.

So, I want to encourage you to join us at a Weekend to Remember Marriage Getaway. At Weekend to Remember, we provide the tools and environment for couples to grow closer to each other and to God. From now until September 16^th, you can take advantage of the half-price sale and register for two at the price of one. You just click on the banner at FamilyLifeToday.com and you can start investing in your relationship today. Again, you can head over to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the Weekend to Remember banner to get more information.

Now, tomorrow. Do you and your spouse want to be better together? I dare to say that almost everybody would say “yes” to that. Well, Cru President, David Robbins, and his wife, Meg, are going to share a surprise source for strength in your marriage. That's coming up tomorrow. We hope you'll join us.

On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I’m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.

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