The Power of the Word: Rechab & Brittany Gray

Rechab: We don't realize just how much we're planting seeds in our kids, not by what we say, but by what they see. So, discipleship is happening, whether we know it or not. It's just, what are you showing them? They're picking up so much more of what they see rather than what you say.

Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.

Ann:  This is FamilyLife Today!

Dave: Alright, we're sitting in the studio today with a couple, I think, [who] is living our former life.

Ann:  I do too, right? [Laughter]

Dave: Yes.

Ann:  Yes.

Dave: Yes, Rechab and Brittany Gray are with us, and they're in pastoral ministry!

Rechab: Yes.

Dave: And it's like us, you know—we won't say how many years ago, [Laughter] just say “a long time ago.” We never looked as good as you guys. [Laughter]

Brittany: Thank you!

Ann: But our listeners are going to love them and their story; their heart for Jesus. You guys are inspiring. Just having lunch together was super fun for us and inspiring [with] your walk with God and all that He's done.

Rechab: Praise God. Praise God.

Dave: Yes. So, let's talk a little bit about the Rechab and Brittany story. [Laughter]

Rechab: Oh, my goodness!

Dave: Tell us a little bit. [Laughter]

Brittany: You’re going to touch on that, huh?

Dave: I mean, first of all, tell our listeners what you do now, so they can understand why I said you're doing what we did for 30 years; and then, tell us your journey.

Brittany: Yes, right now, we are currently involved with a church plant. It's not an infant anymore, [Laughter] but it's still not a grownup yet.

Dave: Wait until it becomes a teenager.

Rechab: Right, right, right! [Laughter]

Brittany: Oh, boy! Yes.

Dave: Those years are something else. [Laughter]

Ann: It’s going to be fun!

Brittany: I feel like we'll be more mature then, [Laughter] so, prayerfully, we'll be able to handle that.

Ann: Yes.

Brittany: Yes! So, our church plant is now a year old. We are here in Orlando; planted New Creation Fellowship with multiple friends of ours who have been together for many years. That's Rechab's full time job.

Ann:  And what about your family and your kids?

Brittany: We have 4 kids, varying in ages. [Laughter] We have 3, 4, 13, and 14.

Dave: Well, what's the gap there? What's that all about? [Laughter]

Brittany: Yes. Oh, that's a story!

Rechab: That's a deep story. [Laughter] That’s a deep question, actually.

Brittany: Yes.

Ann:  Should we get to that later?

Rechab: You should get to that later. [Laughter]

Ann: Okay.

Rechab: We can go to the other.

Brittany: That’s a whole—

Ann: —I have a question for you, Brittany: tell us why Rechab, your husband, is a good pastor.

Brittany: From the day I met him, I knew he loved Jesus. He loves the Word, loves the Bible. It seeps out of him, you know? Even in normal conversation, you'll just hear Scripture seeping out of him. And just seeing him over the years, he has proved that he loves Jesus in everything he does.

Ann: That says a lot!

Brittany: He has followed after the Lord's heart.

Ann:  So, he's living out what he preaches?

Brittany: Living it out every day. Yes, every day.

Ann: That’s a compliment.

Brittany: Yes; and I've seen it since we first met so, absolutely.

Dave: I mean, there aren't a lot of better things that a wife could say about her husband. [Laughter] That’s pretty good!

Rechab: That takes the cake.

Brittany: Yes. It's actually true. I really, truly see that every day. So, yes.

Ann:  So, you guys met back in…?

Rechab: Freshman year of high school; [Laughter] first day of high school.

Ann: First day!

Brittany: First day.

Rechab: First day of high school. I was in the military, so we moved around quite a bit. We didn't really know anybody, so we were in the cafeteria, alone. You know how it is in high school, you have got to sit by yourself. You don't know anybody.

So, I'm by myself, and I see this “shorty,” walking across the room. It's like one of the movies (Spike Lee movies), where she gets on the roller cart, [Laughter] and she is just moving in slow motion with the spotlight on her. But then, the cart starts coming toward me. I'm like, “No way! She [is] about to sit over here!” So, she says, “Hey, can I have the seat?” And inside, I'm like, “Yes!” [Laughter] (But that [isn’t] going to pick anybody up.) [Laughter] So, I’m like, “Absolutely. You can sit right here. Yes, yes.”

So, we had this amazing conversation.

Ann:  The first time you met, right there in the cafeteria?

Brittany and Rechab: Yes.

Rechab: Amazing, man.

Brittany: It was fun.

Dave: I mean, did you pick that seat because you wanted to sit by him?

Brittany: You know, I actually—I did. He was smiling, [Laughter] and I was like, “This is—I want to sit by him. He looks like he's not going to be intimidating and mean and grouchy, or aggressive (like the other guys were). [Laughter] Let me sit by him. He seems sweet.”

And so, yes.

Ann:  Do you remember that conversation, too?

Brittany: I remember some of the things we talked about. It was so funny! [Laughter] He was a basketball player, so we were talking about basketball; and I was going to be a cheerleader for the basketball team, so I said, “Maybe I'll see you there,” you know…

Ann:  Was he wearing good shoes back then, too? [Laughter]

Brittany: He was very put together big back then!

Ann: Was he?

Brittany: Very much so. He's always been very spiffy.

Ann: Yes?

Brittany: Yes, yes, very much so. [Laughter] I mean, on the first day of school, you know, you have to look amazing.

Ann:  Oh, yes.

Brittany: So, that was a big deal, yes.

Rechab: Yes, but after this amazing conversation, I go home and tell my mom: “I think I found the girl I'm going to marry.”

Dave: What? You were a freshman?

Rechab: So real rap, yes. 

Brittany: Yes, fourteen.

Rechab: I'm a freshman in high school. I had just come to Christ that summer, so marriage was on my mind now. No longer just, you know, “I just want to talk to a girl,” or whatever. So legit, yes. I went home and told my mom I found the girl I'm going to marry, and the next day my schedule got changed. So, we didn't talk for the next three years.

Dave: What?

Rechab: Yes. So, no conversation, like, really, [we] didn't interact much at all.

Then, in senior year of high school, we got cool again. We were also dating other people at the time. And then, we ended up going to Temple together—not together, though—

Brittany: —no.

Rechab: —because she chose to go to Temple after—I want to say “after” [Laughter]— so, it might have had something to do with me. But she chose to go to Temple after me, and then we ended up just spending so much time together. That's when we got really close, yes.

Ann: But for her to see, as a freshman in high school, that you loved Jesus, and you were fairly new in your faith then.

Rechab: Very new.

Brittany: Yes.

Ann: What happened?

Rechab: Well, I was so hungry—and I share all the time—I get a chance to speak to students quite a bit, all over the nation, so different contexts, different cultures. One of the things that is painful is we set the bar so low in terms of expectations of students being able to take in the Scriptures. I was 14. I hated reading; I didn't like books at all. But when I became a follower of Christ—my story was I came to Christ in my room, by myself; l wept and simultaneously experienced my overwhelming sense of sin and God's overwhelming grace—from that moment, it was like there was this hunger to read the Bible.

So, I didn't know what had happened to me, but I was like, “Yo, I have got to just read it. Let's just start in Genesis.” I didn't really have anybody discipling me. My parents were both followers of Christ, but discipleship just wasn't in their culture. I started reading Genesis, and I couldn't stop; picked up Exodus. I even liked Leviticus. [Laughter] Numbers was hard, [Laughter] but I was eating it alive. And I remember vividly, [I] couldn't wait until I get out of school to get back to my Bible.

But I was a knucklehead, though. I was still messing around with girls. I was still doing foolish things, because I wasn't discipled. But I knew I experienced conviction from the Spirit of God. I was a new creature, and it was most vividly seen in just how much I loved the Scriptures, and how much I did, yes, just talk about Jesus with everybody. And I wish I lived it better than I talked it at that time. But, man, God is faithful, even when we're faithless. He can't deny Himself. So, yes.

Ann: So, you said you hadn't been discipled.

Rechab: Yes.

Ann: Talk to the parent whose kids are growing up in a house of believers who love Jesus, but you're like, “I want them to be discipled. Do I disciple them?” How do they go about getting discipled?

Brittany: That’s good.

Rechab: Yes, I would say, you know, every context is different, right? But one of the major things, because of my upbringing, because my Pop was a lover of the Word, that became my love for the Word. The greatest gift he gave me was not what he taught me, but what he showed me. We don't realize just how much we're planting seeds in our kids, not by what we say, but by what they see.

So, I would see my Pop in his Word. I would see my Pop cry over the Lord, weep over the Word of God. That was a big deal for me. So, when it clicked, [and] when I came to Christ, I began to follow what I had seen already.

And so, I would say, one: discipleship is happening whether we know it or not. It's just what are you showing them? They're picking up so much more of what they see rather than what you say. But I would also say, even with our kids, because I want them to have their own walk with the Lord, we've had devotional times and all that. But one of the things we wanted to birth early in our kids, is [their] own reading time with the Scriptures. And I think it was about two years ago, Aaron finished his run through the Bible for the first time. Was he 11 at the time?

Brittany: Yes.

Rechab: Maybe 10/11? And then Ziporah followed a year later or something like that.

I don't share that because we're doing something awesome. I don't. I just simply share that because they started it—had to be 9 or 10—made a little checklist. They had a kids’ NIV Bible, so all 66 books of the Canon. but in their language, and they were excited to be able to check off the chapters that they read; giving them just a fun way of them to be able to take that journey.

Now, what used to be like something that we taught so much has become more a habit for them, and I just praise God for that! Again. I don't think we're doing something amazing, but I think it's more our mindset of, “Do we have expectations that are high enough that they have to go reach for something?” [Laughter] Sometimes, we set it so low that they don't have to reach; they actually have to bend down. And that's sometimes a problem, even for us, when it comes to parents and disciplining our kids. So, yes.

Dave: Well, I mean, there are rumors out here that you memorize books [Laughter] of the Bible, not chapters or verses. You're laughing because this is real, [right]?

Rechab: Yes, yes.

Brittany: That’s right, yes.

Dave: I mean, do you ever just sit at the dinner table or whatever and give them Ephesians 1?

Rechab: Yes.

Brittany: Yes. He’s done that before.

Rechab: Yes. Many times, yes. “Paul, Apostle of Jesus Christ. To the Saints in Ephesus who are faithful in Christ Jesus. Grace and peace to you from God our Father and our Lord Jesus Christ. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. Even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world.” [Ephesians 1] I can go on… [Laughter]

Ann: I mean, you talk about inspiring! Are the kids—

Dave: —wait, wait! I just picked any chapter in the Bible, and you knew it?

Rechab: Well, it just happens to be Ephesians.

Dave: Oh.

Ann:  Do you know every chapter in Ephesians?

Rechab: Yes, ma’am.

Brittany: Absolutely.

Ann: You know the whole book of Ephesians?

Rechab: Yes, ma'am.

So, ironically, we're talking at the time of this recording, like maybe a few weeks ago. We never get to travel, just me and Brittany. We got a chance to travel to a church in—

Brittany: —South Carolina.

Rechab: —South Carolina. I quoted Ephesians there, and I was only maybe able to make it through three chapters—

Brittany: —because he was quoting and preaching.

Rechab: —because I was quoting and preaching at the same time. [Laughter]

Brittany: You can quote, pause, preach—

Dave: —really?

Brittany: —and then quote, pause, preach. Yes.

Rechab: Yes. For my church, in January, I recited and preached Philippians.

Brittany: You did First John a few months ago.

Rechab: [I] did First John a few months ago. I did First Timothy in the car just recently, but there's a whole story—

Ann: —are you all catching this? [Laughter] I mean, we're talking books of the Bible, but the Torah? I mean, in Jesus’ day, as Jewish boys had the whole Pentateuch—

Rechab: —yes, yes.

Ann: —or the first five books of the Bible memorized.

Rechab: Yes.

Ann: Their Scriptures.

Rechab: Yes.

Ann:  But you've taken that to heart, like, “Well, I'm going to do that, too.”

Rechab: It was a challenge, though.

Ann:  Brittany, are you ever like—

Dave: —well, I hope so. [Laughter]

Ann: —are you challenged by that?

Brittany: Very much so, very much so. And I see the effort he puts into it. I think, when we see him do it, he has inflection, and it just flows right out of him; but he studies the Word every single day. He recites back over the things he's previously learned, and in doing that, he's reciting it as he's living his life. So, then, you know, something happens, and then he's like, “Let me recite First Peter, because this is coming from what's going on in our lives right now.”

It's such a God-given blessing to have that in our home—

Ann: —yes.

Brittany: —every day, you know? So yes, it's beautiful.

Rechab: And it wasn't always like that. I would say I'm probably like most listeners. I didn't think I had the ability to memorize much of Scripture. And then on the flip end, I thought I already knew so much Scripture. [Laughter] So, I feel like we all have that weird dichotomy of like, “I've been in the church for so long. I know so much Bible.” And then, when you really think about it and challenge in that way, you're like, “I can never do that, though.”

But [there] was a dude in my life, Carl Matthews; a “hooper.” I love “hooping.” He was a “hooper.” And one day, after hooping, we [were] in the car in Philly. It was so funny. I was playing Blueprint album and—

Brittany: —Jay-Z.

Rechab: —oh, Jay-Z.

Brittany: Yes.

Rechab: Jay-Z album, yes. [Laughter]

Dave: I'm sure our listeners all know.

Rechab: Yes. [Laughter] Right.

So, I know that whole album, straight through, word for word. He's like, “I see you can memorize well. How do you do with doing that with the Scriptures?”

Ann: Oh, challenge!

Rechab: Yes, and it caught me off guard. I wasn't ready for it. And it's like he waited for me to get through the 4th song to say something. And he [was] bobbing his head with me. I thought we [were] having a good time. The whole time, he [was] just waiting, and he dropped that bomb. I'm like, “Well, I think I do pretty well. You know, I got a few verses memorized.”

He says, “No I'm not talking about just verses. I’m talking about larger chunks.” He said, “Like me, I memorized Galatians.”

I was like, “Galatians what?”

He said, “No, like Galatians, the whole book.”

I said, “Ain’t no way you got all of Galatians memorized.”

For the rest of the ride, he just recited all of Galatians—all six chapters straight through— from memory. I was like, “Yo, that's crazy.” I said, “Bro, that's impressive!”

He said, “No, it ain’t.” He said, “You do it with me. I'm about to start First John. Rock with me.”

And I said, “First John what?” [Laughter]

He said, “Stop playing, man. You know what I'm saying, yo.”

I said, “Well, I'll do you this favor. I'll start with Chapter One, and if I can make it through Chapter One, I'll keep going. And Chapter One, you know, is only 10 verses: “That which is from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life. The life was made manifest and we have seen it, and testify to it, and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was made manifest to us. That which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed, our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. And we are writing these things so that our joy may be complete.

This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar and his word is not in us.”

And you can think—

Dave: [I] think that was all chapter one, folks.

Ann: Woo!

Rechab: You can think like, as a young dude who was a knucklehead; [who] loved the Scriptures; convicted in my soul, but I have these moments of stumbling into all types of sin, but, particularly, lustful sin, whether it be pornography or anything like that. I find myself falling into these things. But you get down to that last part after hearing about this wonderful Jesus, who is life: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Hearing that by itself is dope. But when you hear it in the context, that did so much for me, especially as a young married man. I was hooked, and it became like an obsession, not because I wanted to show it off. But real rap, because it was so quickly applicable. And man, I love Jesus, yo. Like, I really, really, really love Jesus; but when you hide His Word in your heart, it deepens your conversations throughout the day with Him and with others who know and don't know Him.

So, from that it became an obsession. I went to Philippians after that, and then First Peter after that, and then Ephesians. It just wouldn’t stop. First Timothy, and then the last book I tried to go through was First Thessalonians, which is still sloppy, but yes.

Dave: So, you retain it, though.

Rechab: It's retained through work, though. But the beauty about memorizing Scripture—and this is why it's such a pivotal part in the global Church—is that you can do it even if you're not reading, because you can hear it and then deposit; hear it and then deposit; hear it and then deposit.

And now, it's just an exercise. So, you could do it while you are mowing the lawn; you could do it while you washing dishes; you could do it while you putting the kids to bed. Like you—there are so many times where we can spend the time.

Ann: Talk about renewing your mind.

Rechab: Yes.

Ann: I mean, think of where our thoughts and our mind goes—

Rechab: —yes.

Ann: —but you're taking, and you're washing your mind continually with God's Word.

Rechab: He is faithful.

Ann: It can't help but change you. That changes you.

Brittany: Yes.

Ann: Whoo! And you're probably doing something that could be sin, or you're struggling: I'm sure Scripture’s constantly popping into your mind.

Rechab: Yes, ma’am.

Ann: So, you talk about discipleship for your kids!

Rechab: It's a faithful God. [He] took a dude who [doesn’t] like to read, [Laughter] and said, “I'm going to make you a reader; and not just a reader, but one who memorizes something.”

We’ve got a story with my daughter and a best friend. He was babysitting one time—this when she had to be four—and he pulled out a book, and she was like, “Oh, what [are] you reading?” And she looked at it, and she's like, “Oh, a regular book.” [Laughter]

Ann: Oh.

Rechab: She had already been trained: there's regular books, and then there's that thing, that Bible.

Ann: She was four?

Brittany: Yes.

Rechab: Yes. She was four. And so, I look at that, and I'm saying, “Man, God took a dude who don't like to read, but it's because all I was reading was regular books.” As soon as He showed me this, it opened up my whole world.

Now I'm pursuing a PhD, but it started with this book, man, because it's not just about what's written, it's about the One who wrote it. And it's such a deep, deep thing that happens when we treasure up the Word of God in our hearts. I say that as a dude who didn't think I could. So, yes.

Ann:  But it took someone just challenging you.

Rechab: Yes.

Dave: Yes. PhD in what?

Rechab: Biblical studies, yes. Working actually on John 13: the washing of the disciples’ feet and talking about how John 13 sits right in the middle of the two parts of John's Gospel. So, for anybody who's listening now, this will help you read it through John's Gospel. The Book of Signs which is the first 12 chapters, and then the Book of what is called “Glory,” and right in the middle of it is the washing of the disciples’ feet.

In the Book of Signs, it's kind of like John is proving his first statement: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” And then verse 14: “And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.”

So, the whole Book of Signs, he's proving the “I Am” statements to be true. Then you move to the Book of Glory—the book of Passion—where He's leaning toward His suffering. Now it's the Suffering Servant. And right in the middle of that, you have this passage that brings together Suffering Servant and Yahweh God, smack dab when Jesus, after being proclaimed to be the King, “Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest.” The next scene, after the pinnacle of His popularity, is Him kneeling down and washing the stank, nasty feet of the disciples. [Laughter] Talk about a paradox, and yet this is Who our Savior is.

So, what I'm trying to work on for my dissertation is talking about [how] most of the time, we think about the foot-washing, and we think of the activity. But really, it is a proclamation of His identity; that He is the Yahweh Servant. Therefore, we should model after what He has proven to us. So, yes.

Dave: Wow, I don't like to read a lot of PhD dissertations. [Laughter]

Ann:  That sounds pretty great.

Dave: This one sounds like one I’d want to read.

Ann:  We're done today, and we'll continue more of that tomorrow.

Dave: Plus, you mentioned your daughter.

Ann: Yes. We want to talk about that.

Dave: There's a story there. We have got to talk about tomorrow.

Ann:  But I'm wondering, too, could you just finish with giving dads a challenge—

Rechab: —yes.

Ann: —of leading in that way of following Jesus?

Rechab: Yes.

Dave: What about moms?

Ann:  Well, I'm just saying [it] because, I think, we moms want our husbands to walk with God.

Brittany: Yes, we do, absolutely.

Ann: And sometimes we feel like we're kind of [saying]—

Rechab: “Come on!”

Ann: —“Come on!” Yes. We're pushing them, and we're challenging; but we don't know what that looks like, to do it in a good way.

Rechab: Come on. When I say, “This is such a passion of mine,” the quick word I could say—but like a deep passion, because I—especially being in Philly where I was, in North Philly, especially in our neighborhood: 97% single-parent homes. So, most dudes, young men, don't have fathers in the home. They might be around, but not in the home, though.

So, what happens is there's this birthing of fatherless men becoming men who are not fathers. The problem is not with fatherlessness primarily. It's actually with being a husband. You can't be a husband if you don't know the Perfect Groom. And we have fathers and husbands trying to be a groom and a husband when we don't know the True Husband; no one to model it for us.

So, my one challenge is that it's possible. A dude who [doesn’t] like to read can fall in love with the Scriptures. If you don't have the desire to get in the Word, the good thing about our God is that He's not waiting for the desire to be birthed. He's waiting for you to ask Him to give it. If you don't have it, make your next morning prayer: “Give me a desire for Your Word that I don't have right now.” And I'm telling you, those are the kinds of prayers that our Heavenly Father will answer.

Shelby: What a challenge from Rechab! Maybe you don't have the desire to read the Word, but do you want to want to read it? Asking the question of God is really one of the manliest things you can do as a husband and father. Ask Him and see where God leads you.

I'm Shelby Abbott. You've been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Rechab and Brittany Gray on FamilyLife Today. It’s been an incredible conversation, and we're going to hear more from them in the coming days. I'm so excited about that. But they've been talking about, really, in many ways, investing in your marriage in order to be good parents. And building a strong marriage takes intentional effort.

At the Weekend to Remember^® marriage getaway, we provide the tools and environment for couples to grow closer to each other and to God. So, from now until September 16th, you can take advantage of the half-price sale that's going on right now and register for two at the price of one. All you have to do is click on the banner at FamilyLifeToday.com to start investing in your marriage today.

Now, coming up tomorrow, Rechab and Brittany are back, just as I said. They're going to talk about parenting children with Sickle Cell Disease coping with loss, finding faith, and facing medical emergencies. If you fall into any of those categories, you don't want to miss that tomorrow to hear more of their story. We hope you'll join us.

On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I’m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.

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