FamilyLife Today® Podcast

The Friendship Initiative: Amberly Neese

with Amberly Neese | October 7, 2024
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Do you have the biblical friendships you were made for? Statistics on loneliness suggest that few of us do. Author and speaker, Amberly Neese, offers vision and actionable ideas for building richer relationships in her book, The Friendship Initiative.

  • Show Notes

  • About the Host

  • About the Guest

    • Connect with Amberly on her website, amberlyneese.com, and on Insta and Facebook.
    • Her book, "Friendship Initiative: 31 Days of Loving and Connecting Like Jesus," is available in our shop or we'll send it at no cost to you with a donation of any size this week, as our way of saying a huge "Thank you!" for partnering with us toward stronger families around the world.
    • You can also grab Amberly's other book, Common Ground: Loving Others Despite Our Differences here.
    • Sign up for Amberly Neese's five-week video series, “Moving Toward Each Other in the Middle of a Divisive World.” Amberly, author and comedian, offers insights on fostering peace in our communities despite differing views.
  • Dave and Ann Wilson

    Dave and Ann Wilson are hosts of FamilyLife Today®, FamilyLife’s nationally-syndicated radio program. Dave and Ann have been married for more than 38 years and have spent the last 33 teaching and mentoring couples and parents across the country. They have been featured speakers at FamilyLife’s Weekend to Remember® marriage getaway since 1993 and have also hosted their own marriage conferences across the country. Cofounders of Kensington Church—a national, multicampus church that hosts more than 14,000 visitors every weekend—the Wilsons are the creative force behind DVD teaching series Rock Your Marriage and The Survival Guide To Parenting, as well as authors of the recently released book Vertical Marriage (Zondervan, 2019). Dave is a graduate of the International School of Theology, where he received a Master of Divinity degree. A Ball State University Hall of Fame quarterback, Dave served the Detroit Lions as chaplain for 33 years. Ann attended the University of Kentucky. She has been active alongside Dave in ministry as a speaker, writer, small-group leader, and mentor to countless wives of professional athletes. The Wilsons live in the Detroit area. They have three grown sons, CJ, Austin, and Cody, three daughters-in-law, and a growing number of grandchildren.

Do you have the biblical friendships you were made for? Amberly Neese offers vision & ideas for richer relationships in her book, The Friendship Initiative.

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The Friendship Initiative: Amberly Neese

With Amberly Neese
|
October 07, 2024
| Download Transcript PDF

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The Friendship Initiative

Guest: Amberly Neese
From the series: Jesus and Friendship (Day 1 of 3)
Air date: October 7, 2024

Amberly: I'm not sure Jesus was an extrovert. I think Jesus just loved people with everything that He had. But I don't think He rocked into any room and said, “Where's the party?!” But I think he saw people that weren't normally seen.

Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLife Today.com. This is FamilyLife Today.

Dave: Alright, so I just thought of this quote I used years ago in a sermon. I'm going to try and get it right, because I know it rhymes. It was something like: “To dwell above with saints we love, that would be glory; to live below with saints we know, that's another story.” Obviously, it's getting at friendship and connection—and how awesome it is when you think about it—but when you live it in real life, it's hard.

Ann: It can be messy and tricky—and beautiful and ugly—all of them at the same time.

Dave: So we need help, and we've got help in the studio.

Ann: Aren't you excited?

Dave: I am.

Ann: I'm so happy!

Dave: Her name is Amberly Neese. She can hardly keep herself quiet over there; she's like, “I got to jump in!”

Amberly: I know.

Dave: You can jump in now.

Amberly:: “Give me the ball!” “Give me the ball!”

Dave: Say whatever you want to say. But I mean, you have written a book, and you've studied this; this is more than a book. This is a—

Ann: —it's a passion.

Dave: Yeah, this is what you do with friendships; so talk about why. But first of all, tell our listeners what you do.

Amberly: I am a speaker; and an author; and a comedian; a college professor; a wife to a crazy handsome husband, Scott; and mom to two great adult children, Judah and Josiah.

Ann: What good names.

Amberly: I know, right?! With Josiah, we just thought, “Well, the Josiah in the Bible—his parents were terrible, and he still ended up being good—so it's a lot of pressure off of us; let's call him ‘Josiah.’”

But honestly, I'm a person [who’s] still kind of so-journeying to try to figure out how to unpack what biblical community looks like: “What does it look like to find a community?—to thrive in a community?—not only in my church, but in friendships as a whole.” And so this was such a great project for me, because I need help.

Ann: It's so interesting because, this week, we just interviewed someone on loneliness and how it's an epidemic.

Amberly: Oh, it is.

Ann: And so to have your topic come in after that—or whenever it'll be aired—this is really needed today. And your book is called The Friendship Initiative: 31 Days of Loving and Connecting Like Jesus.

Amberly: Absolutely. I mean, He was the perfect template.

Ann: Yes!

Amberly: He was the perfect example. And it was one of those wonderful things, when the Holy Spirit kind of prompts you to see things in a different way, kind of a different perspective. And I just thought, “Well, if we do have loneliness; and there is disconnection; and there are people who are struggle-bussing to try to find their people and to really thrive—I mean, the Acts 2 church did amazing things—and God used that so beautifully.”

I can't even see the Acts 2 church, from my life. When it talks about sharing everything, I have a hard time sharing a drink of my Frappuccino. I can't imagine!

Ann: “I'm not sharing my possessions!”

Amberly: Exactly! “Yes, you want to use my lawnmower?” “Yea.” “Too bad.”

But it's an exciting thing to look at how Jesus really loved people well, and served them well, even in their interactions; sometimes, in the very first glimpses of how He connected with other people.

Ann: Why 31 days?

Amberly: Well, I think a month is a beautiful season of time to kind of dive in and look at the different ways to do it. But it's not so much—it's not “984 Ways to Look Like Jesus”—because that seems so overwhelming. Thirty-one—we can wrap our cerebral cortex around it and make it happen—so that's what started: “A month toward better friendships.”

Dave: So talk about relationships. I mean, you open the book with: “We all crave relationships.”

Amberly: We do.

Dave: We do!

Amberly: We do.

Dave: Why? How?

Amberly: I mean, we were created in God's image; and God is Father, Son and Holy Spirit; He is community as the triune God. And when we were created in that image, I truly believe we were created with that kind of community need in our hearts.

And so, not only are we called to commune with Him, for sure—and that's the first and most important—but we're also designed to live life with other people. We cannot be a hermit and fully live the gospel, concurrently; we can't. If Jesus' desire for us is to be holy, oftentimes, it's relationships that help as the sandpaper that helps smooth out our rough spots, as it were; but also helps us celebrate how good God is when we do that together.

Ann: It's been fun to meet your husband, Scott; he's here with you on this trip. But even as we had lunch, you guys are all about people: knowing people, asking good questions. This is a passion that you both carry, and it's important to you.

Amberly: It really is. And yes, somebody could easily say, “Well, that's easy for you; you're an extrovert That’s just who you are.”

Ann: Yeah; “I'm not like that.”

Amberly: Yeah, I don't think you get to—

Ann: I'm not saying I'm not like that. I'm saying that—

Dave: I was going to say, “She is like that!”

Ann: “[I am] so like that.” But a lot of people will think, “I'm an introvert; I don't feel comfortable in those situations.”

Amberly: I'm not sure Jesus was an extrovert; I think Jesus just loved people with everything that He had. And so He used all the tools in the toolbox to make that happen. But I don't think He rocked into any room, and said, “Where's the party?!” But I think He saw people that weren't normally seen. He went out of his way to make sure that people felt valued and loved by God.

And that is a wonderful first step. I mean, we think about the leper colonies; oftentimes, the leper colonies were far off. Well, on the way to the healing of the ten, it says He left the comfort of the city. He left the comfort of—even His disciples, it makes no mention that they were there—and He went out of his way.

And I think the first step is, for us, to recognize community rarely just comes to us. Nobody has ever said, “Oh, my goodness, this wonderful thriving community just fell in my lap,”—nowhere, not ever. Oftentimes, we have to initiate—which is vulnerable and which is uncomfortable—whether you're an extrovert or an introvert, to put yourself out there, and say, “I'm hungry to connect with another person, and help them on their journey: spur them on toward love and good deeds.”

Ann: You probably had this happen to you; but I've heard many women will say to me, “I went to this church, and nobody's reached out to me.” And they say that a lot, and they're hurt; they think it's not a friendly place. What would you say when people have addressed that, maybe, to you? “How do you communicate what it could look like?”

Amberly: Yes; so first of all, I want to say that is like saying, “I was hungry. I walked in the restaurant, and nobody just handed me food.” Like: “Listen, sister, pick up a menu and let people know that you're needing some food.” I think that that's natural, and I think it's normal.

But I would say to them: “If they recognize the need, recognize that Jesus always took initiative. And if you want to be more like Jesus, maybe that's going to mean that you take that step.” My mom used to have this thing—and I know it's not original; but of course, I thought my mother was brilliant at the time—which was: “If you want to have a friend, be a friend.”

So I will often look, especially on the days that for whatever reason, we are not going to church together—Scott's busy or he's serving someplace else—and I walk into the church. I don't sit by myself; I always try to find: “Is there somebody, who looks like me, who doesn't have somebody sitting next to them?” And without exception, you have somebody—when I say, “Can I sit here?”—"Of course; yes, that would be great.” And so it's taking that—

Ann: Oh, I need to do that.

Dave: What do you mean?!

Ann: If I walk into a church—

Dave: You do that.

Ann: No, I don't always do that.

Dave: She goes up to strangers in airports; I'm not kidding.

Ann: Sometimes, I just go incognito into a church; and I just sit there by myself on an aisle in the back. But to look for someone else—[who’s] maybe alone, and ask, “Do you mind if I sit here?”—I think I'm afraid they'll say, “Yes”; but inwardly, they want to say, “No.”

Amberly: You think so?

Ann: No, I think that— that's the enemy.

Amberly: Don’t you think we all want to be chosen?

Ann: —that’s the enemy.

Amberly: It's like fifth-grade dodge ball—we all want someone to say, “I'll take her,”—right? Of course!

But the other thing that I want to say is: I love taking communion with other believers. So it actually/the blessing’s on me, when I ask if I can sit next to somebody; because even though I may be looking for somebody, who might need a friend, there is something so delightful about listening to somebody else worship the Lord that they love. To take, literally, communion together—which is what we have this commonality that we take it together—and so the blessing’s on me, I mean, I think you always are blessed by taking that initiative and reaching out.

Dave: I mean, Amberly, are you ever not friendly? I mean, I'm guessing the way you walk into a room—the way you are a friendly, friendly light—the lights come on. Are there days or hours you're just like, “I want to be not around people.”

Amberly: No.

Dave: There aren't?

Amberly: When some people say [with a southern accent], “Well, I'm an extroverted introvert,”—“I'm an extroverted extrovert,”—I really am.

Dave: Was that your southern accent? What was that?

Amberly: [Speaking with a Southern accent] That was; that was. I was born in San Angelo, Texas; so I do have a southern accent if I need it. [No accent] My parents actually paid money for me to take speech lessons; because when we moved to California—I was five; and I was: “fixing to do everything,” “I was fixing…” “I was fixing…”—they're like, “’…fixing’? What's that?!”

Dave: Should I do one of my accents for her, Ann?

Ann: No; no, you shouldn’t.

Dave: My boys would tell me, “Dad!—

Ann: —"never—

Dave: —“never try to do an accent in your sermons,” because I’m so bad; I can't do it!

Amberly: Are you bad?

Dave: I mean, I'll try to do a southern accent; and I'll end up in Liverpool.

Ann: I was just going to say, “You are amazing at a million things.”

Amberly: Yes, so many; it's nice that there's one that he is maybe not amazing at.

Ann: Yes! It makes me feel better about myself.

Do you want to do it?

Amberly: We need to hear it.

Dave: Which one do you want?

Ann: Let's see: “Are you Scottish?”—Scottish accent.

Dave: See, I can't even do it! Scottish—[Attempting accent] I can do Scottish; that’s Scottish—no, that’s gross!

Amberly: [Attempting accent]

Dave: Whenever I think of Southern, I think of Larry, the Cable Guy [Southern accent]: “Hey, I'm Mater.”

Ann: Hey, that’s pretty good.

Amberly: [Southern accent] That's pretty good right there: “A tornado in a trailer park.”

Dave: [Southern accent] “Mater helped me out; that’s the only way I can do it there.”

Anyway! What are we talking about here?! We just lost all reality.

Amberly: We talked about: “Am I ever not joyful?”—or whatever.

Dave: Yes, that's what I asked you.

Amberly: So I will say my temper can get frustrated—and then, you know when I'm quiet; that's a pretty good litmus test—“Oh, heads are going to roll, y’all.” So there's that. But I also will get quiet if I have my feelings hurt; or again, I go—

Ann: —inward.

Amberly: Yeah, I'm not hard to—some people are like, “Wow; I just find him so hard to read,”—nobody has ever said that about me. Because I just [drew a breath]; and they think, “Ooh, we're on DEFCON 3 already; something's up!”

However, I still feel the same vulnerability that everybody else does to put myself out there.

Ann: Well, take us into your book; because, in the book, you have these encounters—people have encounters—with Jesus.

Amberly: Absolutely.

Ann: Take us into one of those.

Dave: We can't do all 31, but give us an idea.

Amberly: Some of the most profound for me—and again, I went to Bible college; I've certainly read the Scriptures plenty of times—but when the Holy Spirit kind of gives you a new perspective on things, one that was so profound to me was the woman caught in adultery. Although it says in one of the accounts that she stood before Jesus, I always pictured her thrown at His feet.

Dave: Yeah; me, too.

Amberly: And no matter what, she's in a vulnerable place. She's probably scantily clad, if clad at all, and totally vulnerable. And she's totally mortified to be thrown in front of this person [whom] she probably has no idea who He is. But it says He wrote in the sand. And I always wanted to know what He wrote, y’all. When I get to glory, there are a couple of questions: First of all, “Why mosquitoes?” And secondly, “Why can't jeans fit?” And number three is: “What did You write in the sand?” I want to know; inquiring minds want to know.

Dave: What do you think? Because I've preached on it, and everybody has an opinion.

Amberly: So when I started writing this book, all I could think of was: “What a sweet thing that Jesus would get in a place of humility. Because if she's standing there, He took a lower position than she is.”

Dave: Is that your insight?—that was new.

Amberly: That's my insight; that was what the Lord showed me. Maybe somebody—I don't know if you've heard about it before—let me know.

Ann: No, I haven’t heard that.

Amberly: But for me, all I could think of was like, “How cool is that? Here's this person, who was clearly in the wrong, and He humbled Himself—He put Himself in a place of humility—so that she could feel seen.” And I think: “That's our God,” and “He loves us that much.”

And then, He has the audacity to ask us to love others the same; and so we get to do the same thing. Even if we feel like we're in the right, we can get to a place, where we humble ourselves, and we say, “I see you, and I see that you're going through a hard time. I'd love to co-labor with you on this; I'd love to be here with you.”

Dave: Wow; that's powerful. I remember—

Ann: That's a really good insight.

Dave: —Amber, you're probably not old enough to remember Gary Smalley—

Amberly: Of course, Gary Smalley! In fact, one of his sons went to Grand Canyon with us.

Dave: Greg?

Amberly: Yeah!

Dave: I mean, Greg's on Focus [on the Family] now—but we knew Gary way back when; he was just sort of starting his ministry.

And one of the things he talked about was, in marriage, when you sense that your spouse has—what do you call it?—a closed spirit: something you've said or done has caused her or him to just pull in. And he said, “Here's five steps to open a closed spirit.” And step number one was: “Get low. You don't approach them, above them. If they're sitting down, get on your knee. If they're standing up, bend down.” It's just like: “Get lower.” That’s the beginning of—

Amberly: Truly, a posture of humility.

Dave: Yes, and that's what you're saying Jesus did. I was like, “Oh, my; I never thought of that”

Amberly: Okay; so I have to know: “What do you think He wrote in the sand, brother?”

Dave: I do not know; nobody knows. It's either names or sins, but what else? I don't know!

Amberly: Wow!

Ann: I don’t know.

Dave: I'm thinking He's writing these guys names down; and they're like, “I'm out of here; He just wrote my…”

Ann: —or maybe just their sins.

Dave: —or who knows?—maybe, it's something we never/haven't even thought about.

Ann: I don’t know.

Dave: But that would be an interesting question.

Ann: I can’t wait to hear.

Amberly: I know.

Ann: Amberly, what does that look like? Have you had that experience, where someone has gotten lower than you; or that you've been around somebody, and you knew, “I need to take a humble posture in front of this broken person”?

Amberly: I'm sad to say that I'm a little bit of a slow learner when it comes to humility. I'm not braggadocious; I'm actually the opposite, which is the tendency to be self-deprecating. Somebody recently said to me, “Your comedy is hilarious; but you know what? You make me feel uncomfortable; because with the same breath, you will say, ‘I'm fearfully and wonderfully made, and I know that full well’; and then, you'll make a joke about how God made your body.” She said, “It makes me feel uncomfortable.”

I went home that day. I just got before the Lord; I said, “I'm so sorry if I have taken people's eyes off of You in my attempt to try to be funny.” But I'm so thankful for that. I mean, that was a humility sandwich—and those are hard to eat—those are dry; no mayonnaise on those humility sandwiches. And I chewed on that all day long, but I'm so thankful.

Dave: I mean, did that change you? Do you think it's going to change your comedy at all?

Amberly: Absolutely.

Dave: I mean, I know you're going to be cognizant of that now.

Amberly: I think it absolutely/I mean, I don't think we can come in contact with truth like that, and it doesn't change us on some level. “Do I think I will change some of my jokes?”—I will. “Do I think I will be able to eradicate all self-deprecation?”—no, that's literally the stance of my comedy. I've made a living of being a nerd bucket, and so it'll be interesting to see what that looks like. But I can tell you—

Dave: Well, I watched you and Scott at lunch. The way you two asked questions, from the word, “Go”; that's humility. It made this other couple feel so important: it was question, after question, after question. And I thought, “What a great lesson for all of us.” When you care about somebody enough to ask them real questions—and you're not like, “I should probably ask them questions and act like I'm interested,”—

Ann: You’re truly interested.

Dave: You were truly interested. And I'm like, “That's humility; that's caring.” That's what you wrote about—that's friendship—and it's what Jesus did.

Amberly: Absolutely. My friend, Mark Fisher, says it this way: “Curiosity may kill the cat, but it fuels the lion.” And I love that. I think curiosity about other people is one way that we show them value. Jesus did ask questions, as we know; that was my first study that I did. But one of the ways that He initiated friendships was He would ask people about their story.

And that costs us nothing but words and time. And there will be some people, [who] will tell you their story, and they'll just go on and on. Those people, at the grocery store, you're like, “Well, how are you doing today, Steve?”—looking at the name tag. [Speaking with gruff voice] “Well, my back hurts, and I'm frustrated at my wife, and this job doesn't pay enough.” And I'm thinking, “I just wanted to get my mangoes and go. I didn't know I was going to be here for a dissertation.” But Jesus stood there, and listened to people's stories; because He valued them.

Dave: When we'd have people over at our house for dinner—and sometimes, people we didn't know very well—this was common in our first ten years of marriage. We get to the door to say goodnight; and almost every time, they say, “We just had the greatest night ever. Thank you; that was so/just filled us up so much.”

And you know what I was thinking? “Of course, you did. The whole night we talked about you, because my wife asked you question after question.”

Amberly: Totally.

Dave: And that made them feel—I mean, literally, like, “This was the best…”—and they didn't even know why.

Amberly: It wasn't the accents you tried?

Dave: That would've sent them home early, but it was like Ann—

Amberly: “That was great! Except his Scottish accent is terrible.”

Dave: [Attempting accent] I think my Scottish accent was pretty good!”—but see?—see what happened?

Amberly: Yeah! “Shall we pray?”

Dave: “I can pray in Hebrew; what do you think?”

Amberly: There you go; that's awesome.

You know, that's true: we do like to—I mean, psychologists will tell us—we do enjoy the sound of our own name said, and we do love when people ask us questions about ourselves.

Dave: Okay, let's talk about this; I know there's listeners, going, “Yes; but what about when you've been hurt through a friendship?” You developed a friendship—maybe it's a short-term, or maybe a very long-term—something's been said or done: you've been hurt; they've been hurt—there's a fence. And Jesus even said, “You will not live in this life without an offense”; it's going to happen.

Amberly: Absolutely.

Dave: It's part of the broken world.

Amberly: “In this world, you will have trouble,”—the “Construction Ahead” signs, for sure.

Dave: So now, you're sort of reluctant; you're like, “I'm pulling away, because my heart's been broken.”

Amberly: Yes, and I think that that's terribly normal. And honestly, I think some of those defense mechanisms were straight—part of our weaving in our mother's womb to protect us—however, protection serves a purpose in that season, but we're never designed to wear that armor for the rest of our lives.

Ann: Oh, that's a good way to look at it.

Amberly: It absolutely has a place and time; but as we grow in Christ, He was able to see past. I've always thought the rich man, who says, “What do I have to do?” And He says, “Well, do all these things.” And he says, “I'll do that.” He says, “Sell everything.” And the guy said, “Oh, peace out,”—that's a new New International Version—"Peace out,”— that had to hurt for Jesus. The man said, “What do I need?” And He said, “I'm offering you everything if you sell what you own.” And the guy said, “No.” That had to feel offensive to Jesus.

Dave: You know, it says, “Jesus looked at him with love.”

Amberly: Yeah, absolutely; thank you! See?

Dave: Crazy.

Ann: He’s a good pastor.

Amberly: Yeah! So his accents are fair to partly cloudy; but the theology is awesome!

Ann: Exactly.

Dave: Actually, it said [Attempting accent], “Jesus looked at him with love.”

Amberly: Ohhhh!

Ann: Well, the other thing—

Amberly: I forgive you for that.

Dave: Okay.

Ann: The other thing that I think about—because we're watching the Chosen series right now—and the way that they're representing Judas, it makes you realize Jesus walked with him all the time. Jesus knew him; the disciples were friends with him.

Amberly: Absolutely.

Amberly: And He knew what was going to happen!

Amberly: I know it.

Ann: “How did he do that?”

Amberly: I totally agree; I totally agree.

Ann: I would've had a big boundary: “You're going to become Satan, and you're going to kill...” I don't even know; He loved him.

Amberly: He absolutely loved him; He absolutely loved him. And you know what? I can tell you: “I can't do that.” There are football teams that I don't even know, and I have frustration in my heart for. I can't imagine—

Dave: It better not be the Detroit Lions.

Amberly: No, it's not the Lions.

Dave: Okay, good.

Amberly: But I do think we just have to recalibrate every day—which is essentially—this sounds like old-school religion. And you know what? There's a reason—it's a classic—which is: “What would Jesus do?” And what we see is: He would love people.

I also love that there's that wonderful section, in the book of John—the one Jesus loves—that they reclined at the table. And it was, I think, Brennan Manning's book, Abba’s Child, when he talked about the fact that John was probably reclining on Jesus—which we don't eat like that, so it seems kind of odd to us—but they were hanging; they were chilling. And Brennan Manning talked about the fact that, if John was reclining against Jesus, he could probably hear His heartbeat. And oftentimes, as believers, what can help us recalibrate is putting our head against the chest of the Father and just listening to His heartbeat. For us, it will change, then, how we see other people.

Ann: And isn't that the key? We can't do that on our own, in our own flesh.

Amberly: Absolutely.

Ann: It has to be Spirit-led. You've said that so many times, even today. I felt the Spirit—I felt convicted; I felt God moving me—so you're relying on God's Spirit. That's probably the first step.

Amberly: Absolutely. Well, when we're called to pray for our enemies—for goodness’ sakes—that is scandalous:—

Ann: Yes!

Amberly: —pray for our enemies. “Do you know what they did? Do you know why they’re are enemies?—because they did this thing, and they wronged me.” And again, it is not a bad thing to feel wronged, but to stay there forever is not God's best for us. He wants us to walk in freedom. He's come that we might have life and have it abundantly. And you know what? We can't both have it abundantly and carry around all of these guards concurrently.

Dave: Yeah, I would just say—I mean, I'm not saying anything we haven't said this whole program—but in my life, and I think it's true for all of us—and I hope for others—the greatest gifts God's ever given me are: number one, Himself; number two, Ann, and my friends, and my family, my sons.

Amberly: Absolutely.

Dave: The friendships that I cultivated—and it was work—and we met, and we had conflict, and we celebrated, and we cried. And I mean, when Ann's sister died, and I was in Atlanta to do her funeral, our closest couples—we're down in Atlanta; we live in Michigan, so we're basically with her family; and nobody from our group is going to be in Georgia—and right as the funeral is just about to start, I'm standing in the front of this church. The back door opens, and four or five couples come walking in. We're like, “How in the world did you guys get here?!”—it's our small group. And just seeing them at the back—I can see them right now—it was them stepping in there.

Ann: It was the most emotional part of the day, because you feel so lost; you feel so alone. You're questioning like, “Lord, I don't even/what are You doing?” And then, they walk in; and it's almost like they gave me that look like, “We're here for you.”

Amberly: They were your mat mates.

Ann: They were my mat mates?

Amberly: Yes, the paralytic, who needed help to be brought to the feet of Jesus—

Ann: Yes.

Amberly: —that they were your mat mates.

Ann: Yes.

Amberly: Oh, I love that story; that’s awesome. Praise God.

Ann: I think our listeners will love this—this is a great read—it's like a devotional that you walk into the life of Jesus and His friends.

Dave: And to think that you can go from wherever you are in a month—and again, it's not a perfect guarantee—but if you walk through this in a month, you're going to learn and grow. You'll start developing some friendships. You'll have a story like we just told, because you decided: “I'm going to be intentional about this. I got to become a friend; I'm going to find friends.”

Ann: Could you see doing this as a family?

Amberly: Oh, 100 percent; absolutely. I've often thought, even, a friendship challenge.

Ann: Yes!

Amberly: Years ago, we read Kurt Warner's book—his autobiography—and one of the things we were challenged by is that he talked about the fact that, when a waiter or waitress would come to the table, that when he or she left, he would turn—or his wife would turn—to the kids and say, “Okay, what color was her eyes?” Because they didn't want to raise kids who didn't look at people and really see them. Something like that—super practical.

All of these in the book, I tried to make as practical as possible; because it was a wonderful reminder for me—really, how Jesus—down to brass tacks: “How do you start those conversations?” “How do you show people value?” and “How do you learn and grow in the process?”

Ann: So good. Really good.

Amberly: Thank you.

Shelby: I'm Shelby Abbott; and you've been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson, with Amberly Neese, on FamilyLife Today. Now, before I get going here, Dave and Ann actually have one more thing to say.

Dave: Okay, so who else scrolled through their newsfeed this morning and saw something divisive?

Ann: That's because we're living in this climate that’s just reckless. We have these exchanges that are filled with division, and that's even among believers. And I think the question is: “How do we even honor God, hold strong to our beliefs and our convictions, but still find this common ground and extend the love of Christ to others, despite our differences?” That is the question of the day.

Dave: We need help. We need biblical practical wisdom, coupled with proven strategies, to help love others well, even those we find most challenging.

Ann: —so challenging. So listen to this; like, “Tune in, right here: that's why we've created a brand-new—hear this one—free—

Dave: —free—no money; free—

Ann: —video series, with Amberly Neese, titled, “Moving Toward Each Other in the Middle of a Divisive World: Building Peace in our Own Backyards.”

Dave: Yeah, you're going to love it. And you can sign up today. Amberly will walk you through the practical steps to building bridges over the chasm of differences by focusing on the heart and the character of Jesus.

Ann: And I'm just going to say: if you've listened to Amberly on this segment, or on other segments, she's full of wisdom, godly grace;—

Dave: —humor.

Ann: —but she's funny and really practical as well.

Shelby: So to get this resource, you can go to FamilyLife.com/FindingCommonGround. Again, you can get the resource at FamilyLife.com/FindingCommonGround.

Now, Amberly, in addition to all of her other talents, is a writer. She's written a book called The Friendship Initiative: 31 Days of Loving and Connecting Like Jesus. So this is a 31-day devotional by Amberly Neese that will help you to connect, not only with Jesus, but also others in your natural circle of influence. You can get your copy, right now, by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com in the show notes. Or feel free to give us a call at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-F as in family, L as in life, and then the word, TODAY.

Now, coming up tomorrow, explore how to navigate conflicts and find common ground in your relationships as Amber Neese comes back and helps us with practical tips on loving, despite differences. That's tomorrow; we hope you'll join us. On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I'm Shelby Abbott. We'll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.

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