Child in Crisis: Rechab & Brittany Gray

Rechab: My grandmother showed me she believes the words of Christ, and she believes in what the cross accomplished, by how she lived her life and extended grace to people who I would deem very undeserving.

Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.

This is FamilyLife Today!

Dave: Tell us about your grandma.

Ann: I was named after her.

Dave: I know.

Ann: Faye. She was my hero, actually.

Dave: I know. That’s why I knew this would be an easy tee-up.

Ann: She was strong, but she was loving. She seemed like she came from—she was raised on a ranch in Montana. She rode her horse to school every day.

Dave: She was a tough woman.

Ann: She was tough, but man, she spoiled me [Laughter] and spoiled all her grandkids. I really loved her, and I related a lot to her. Why are you asking me about grandmother?

Dave: Well, we have the Grays back with us. Rechab and Brittany are back in the studio, and I know we’re going to talk about Rechab’s grandma. I’ve never met her, but I know her name: Annie Mae.

Rechab: Yes, yes, yes.

Ann: What did you call her?

Rechab: I just called her “Grandma.”

Ann: You did?

Rechab: Yes.

Ann: But what would make you write about her?

Rechab: So much!

Ann: Really?

Rechab: Yes, so much. My grandma was the one who shared the gospel with me the first time.

Dave: How old were you?

Rechab: I was four years old.

Dave: Whoa, and you remember it?

Rechab: And I still remember it. I remember it—one of the few memories I have of four.

Ann: Brittany, have you ever met? Did you ever have a chance to meet his grandma?

Dave: Have you met?

Brittany: I have. Yes.

Rechab: She loves her. She loves her.

Ann: Oh, she’s still living.

Brittany: Yes, she’s still living.

Rechab: She’s still living.

Brittany: In Louisiana. Yes.

Ann: So you know her well.

Brittany: One of the first times I went to Rechab’s home when we were—

Rechab: [Laughter] —oh, that is crazy!

Brittany: —just friends—

Ann: —yes—

Brittany: —we were just friends, and I visited his house, and his grandma was there. She was the sweetest. She loved me. His family has always welcomed me, just immediately.

Ann: That’s sweet.

Brittany: But she was so sweet. She loved me, and I loved her. [Laughter] There’s a funny story behind it; that’s why we’re laughing. She doesn’t mince words. She says what she needs to say.

Ann: This is my grandmother!

Brittany: Yes; so, she made it known that she liked me, that she appreciated me, and I loved that. That was so fun at that time when we were “just friends,” I say in quotes.

Rechab: The funny story is, I was talking to this other girl—

Dave: This other girl?

Rechab: Yes, I was talking to this other girl.

Brittany: Yes, he was talking to that other girl.

Rechab: And we were just cool. We were really just friends. We were just friends, but I had the other young lady over, and grandma just kept saying, “Hey, where’s Brittany?” [Laughter] “Brittany? Is she calling you?” And the whole time I’m trying to talk over my grandma, so nobody else hears it.

Ann: She knew.

Dave: She didn’t like the other girl.

Ann: She knew. [Laughter]

Brittany: She really did. She knew before we did.

Rechab: Yes, yes.

Ann: She’s protecting her girl, Brittany. [Laughter]

Brittany: Yes.

Ann: But I think this is really important to talk about, because there are a lot of grandparents listening who don’t even understand the impact that we can make as grandparents.

Brittany: Absolutely.

Ann: We think, “Oh, we’re done parenting.” No. We can still have an impact on our grandkids. And there are a lot of families that are listening, that maybe your parents aren’t as involved with your kids’ lives, and maybe they should be, or can be, if they’re healthy people that won’t be negative with your kids. But it’s about legacy, and it sounds like your grandmother, Annie Mae, had quite the legacy and has quite the legacy.

Rechab: Yes.

Ann: Tell us about her.

Rechab: Yes. It was crazy, because I got a chance to learn her story later on, but my grandma was not always a believer. She had a rough divorce, and she hung around with—she’s strong, she’s all of that, but when she came to Christ, everything was about Christ. Everything was about Jesus, everything. She was Pentecostal, so we couldn’t even play cards, because that was like gambling, you know what I mean? All of that.

But four years old, she had all of us young ones around, and she shared the gospel clear as day. She told us God created the world; Adam and Eve sinned; we are all sinners because of them; if we die right now, we’re going to go to hell because we don’t know Jesus. But if we trust in Jesus Christ, we will live with Him forever. That was her simple gospel presentation.

That day, I knew what she said was true. I knew what she said was true. I didn’t entrust myself to Christ, but I trusted what she was saying about Christ. That’s why faith is a strange thing. It’s not just about recognizing it’s true. That’s why James says, “The demons believe and tremble.” But it’s about entrusting yourself to Him, surrendering your life to Him as Lord; and that happened later, at 14.

But when I made that decision at 14, I remembered four. Four years old never left me. My grandmother was not just one who talked the talk, but she walked the walk. She lived a life of holiness; she really walked with the Lord. I’ll never forget her fat King James Bible [Laughter] that she would always have, and she was always reading it, always quoting it.

She was just a true example of someone who didn’t have a lot, and who didn’t, according to people’s standards, know a lot; but she gave a lot from what she did have and what she did know. She’s still giving. We just went there a few years ago, and I don’t know if you want to share about the impact she had on your life that one trip when we were in Memphis. I don’t know if you want to share.

Ann: How old is she now?

Rechab: She’s celebrating 80 coming up. Yes, yes. It was four years ago we went to Memphis; maybe three years ago, yes. Do you want to share about that?

Brittany: Yes. We visited Annie Mae. This was right at the tail end of Covid, I guess, where it’s just starting to get traveling out there again. I distinctly remember, she had been through some tragedy. She had a house fire; so, she lost her home—

Rechab: —her home of 40 years.

Brittany: Yes.

Ann: Oh.

Brittany: Paid off.

Dave: Completely gone?

Brittany: Completely owned the land.

Rechab: Yes, completely gone.

Brittany: Completely paid off home; a house fire that destroyed the home, so she was living in an apartment complex, a new neighborhood. She hadn’t been there for very long, but we pulled up to her apartment, and we’re like, “Oh, this is where Grandma lives. Okay. This is different.”

We get out of the car, and one of the neighbors starts talking to us, and she says, “Oh, have a blessed day.” She said, “Annie Mae taught me that.” She didn’t even know we were going to Annie Mae’s house. [Laughter]

Ann: Come on!

Rechab: Yes. [Laughter]

Brittany: It was just the sweetest thing. She had no clue why we were there. She’s just out amongst the neighbors, and she just blessed my day, and Annie Mae showed her that. It was just a beautiful insight of how Grandma Annie impacted, so quickly, her neighbors and those around her.

Rechab: That was a dark season for you, because we were just coming out of everything.

Brittany: Yes. That was the end of the roller coaster for us we had gone through. So, we had a daughter in the hospital, and we moved; then, I had my youngest daughter, and then I was going through some post-partum [depression] during Covid season, which was really hard. Our friends lived hours and hours away, so we were very isolated from pretty much everyone.

So, it was a very, very dark season for me emotionally. And we had been through some church trauma [that] we were still dealing with. So, being with Annie Mae for those few days opened my eyes to gratitude and an appreciation that I had not felt in a long time.

Ann: That’s really sweet.

Brittany: Her love—she cooked the whole grocery store for us, you iknow? [Laughter]

Rechab: For sure.

Ann: That’s the way she loved you.

Brittany: She showed us all the love she could. She opened her door to us and made us [welcome], in a new place where she didn’t have all the same trappings that she had before, but she allowed us to still stay there.

Ann: That’s what I mean. That’s when you see Jesus in us, when our circumstances are anything but ideal—

Brittany: —yes, yes.

Rechab: —yes.

Ann: —when we’ve gone through our own loss. Think about the loss that was for her, but she still opened her home—

Brittany: —yes, absolutely.

Ann: —served you, loves you; serves and sees her neighbors.

Brittany: Yes.

Ann: I remember I used to tell the Detroit Lions’ wives—these women are mostly in their 20s, some 30s, and they’re hoping that their husbands are going to be traded or drafted somewhere great, [Laughter]

Dave: —not Detroit!

Ann: Somewhere maybe in California—

Dave: —that’s right.

Ann: —maybe in Florida.

Dave: —anywhere!

Ann: But when you hear, “We’re drafted, and we’re going to live in the winter, in Detroit, Michigan,” they’re coming in depressed.

Rechab: That’s funny.

Ann: But I remember saying to them: “It is no accident that you’re here.”

Rechab: Wow.

Ann: And for your grandmother, it’s no accident. It’s tragic what happened, but God is saying in all of our circumstances: “I know that you’re in these circumstances.”

What I used to say to them [was], “There’s somebody here that’s going to impact you. Keep your eyes open. And there’s somebody that you will impact here, so keep your heart open.”

Rechab: Yes.

Brittany: That’s good.

Ann: It seems like she did that, like she wasn’t a victim of her circumstances.

Rechab: Yes, yes.

Ann: She rose above those because of the power of Christ in her.

Brittany: Absolutely, absolutely.

Rechab: I shared that because it was only her glad service—her hospitality—that gave us—we both were driving home from there, quiet, because, again, this was a dark season. My wife had never—again, she was always the stabilizer.

Ann: Yes.

Rechab: This was a deep darkness I had never seen her go through. I remember turning to her. I said, “If you could put in one word what you’re feeling right now, and what you feel like the Lord is saying to you, in one word, what would that word be?” I had my word, and it ended up being the exact same word as hers; and it was the word “gratitude.” Gratitude is not born out of circumstances or situations.

Ann: Yes.

Rechab: It’s born out of a deep understanding that I’ve already been included in the greatest story ever, and my grandma so, so embodied that.

Even knowing that what she was telling me was the truth at four years old, I would have never been able to understand it, but now I know it is because, when she said it, there was a breadth of conviction that came behind it that is undeniable. As I grew up, my appreciation started to just grow for her. She was always there to just call, and prays still to this day, like “Hey, what’s going on with y’all?”

Ann: So sweet.

Rechab: “Where are you guys at? What are you all doing? How’s ministry going?” I remember the first time she got a chance to hear me preach in person was in Des Moines, Iowa, out of all places. [Laughter] So, here’s this black, down South grandma in the middle of Des Moines, Iowa, at a church that ain’t used to down south Pentecostals, you know what I’m saying?

Dave: Did she “amen” you and everything?

Rechab: Oh, it ain’t even just “amen.” [Laughter] She is talking the whole time.

Ann: The whole sermon.

Rechab: “Preach, son. Preach, son! Preach, grandbaby.”

Ann: Yes. Oh, I love—

Rechab: —she’s going in! But what was crazy (perfect unity) is all the people who had lay dormant for so long, now they start talking. At first, they were watching; now, they’re talking because there’s something in them, too, that wanted that. But until you have to rub shoulders with difference, you don’t realize that that’s a part of your sanctification, too. This is something you’ve been wanting to do for so long, so it’s like she unlocked something in them.

And truly, from that day at that church, that church became more responsive, and I always go back to that Sunday when she was in the audience. I look at it, and I say, “Man, the impact that you can have not by trying to do something, not by trying to be a minister, but just being a lover of Jesus!” She just proved that to us, and a part of the reason why I’m so adamant about bringing her story up is just because, I feel like the voices we listen to the most are oftentimes the voices that can theorize about it, but haven’t lived it.

Ann: Yes.

Rechab: And my goodness, when I talk about living it! The racism she had to face, but serving, and you would never know her story and the depth of pain she’s experienced, the names she’s been called, the pain she’s gone through. You would never understand it, because her smile is greater than her suffering.

You think about the pain of divorce and all of that, especially down south, like the stigmas and all the stuff that comes with it; you just would never know, because again, the blessing of Jesus is greater than the bitterness against her other husband. It's like she found a greater Groom, and so there’s so much in her story that’s like if we want to learn from a teacher, why would it not be somebody like Annie Mae who can teach us the real walk of being a follower of Jesus Christ?

Ann: As you were talking about her, with her house burning down, and then this, the circumstances that she’s endured; and yet, she continues to be joyful, I was thinking of James 1:2: “Consider it pure joy,” pure joy, “my brothers and sisters whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance, and let perseverance finish its work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.”

Rechab: Yes, yes. Come on.

Ann: That sounds like her, mature and complete, Regardless of her circumstances, her joy comes deep within from her walk with Jesus.

Rechab: Can I say one word about that passage, because that’s so powerfully a portrait of her?

Ann: Yes.

Dave: And we know you wouldn’t have to look at it to read it. [Laughter] We know you have it memorized, but we have to look it up in the Scriptures.

Ann: I have that memorized, but I could never do that, even on the air, I don’t think. Go ahead, lay it out for us.

Brittany: The whole thing?

Rechab: No, for sure not; but portions of it. It says “Consider it joy, my brothers.” The word “consider” there is used a bunch of times. It’s also used in Romans, Chapter 6; I think it might be verse 11 or 12.

Dave: Like a savant, you’re going—

Brittany: --He is.

Dave: I can see your brain.

Brittany: It’s a computer.

Rechab: Oh, man!

Brittany: It’s a computer up there.

Rechab: Because I can’t see it unless I close my eyes.

Dave: Yes.

Rechab: So, around that portion, it says, “Consider yourselves, therefore, dead to sin and alive to righteousness in Christ.” That word “to consider” is such an interesting word. In Greek, it’s the word hégeomai, which, actually, the noun form of it is the word “governor.” So, it’s an interesting word, because whenever we think “consider” or “ponder,” we think “thought.” But why would you use the word “govern” as language for thought?

So, the idea, though, of considering something is allowing that idea to govern the rest of your thinking, in other words to lead out in front of all your other thoughts. That is a profound truth that only, I believe, we can have in Christ, because what it doesn’t say is “deny your suffering and act like the trials aren’t that bad.”

Ann: Yes, that changes that whole Scripture.

Rechab: Everything, right?

Ann: Yes, yes.

Rechab: Because in other religions, you have to deny it, act like it’s not happening, have a better attitude, think positive thoughts. No, it ain’t saying that! It’s just saying, “Consider it joy when this happens.” It is happening, but let your leading thought, your governing thought, be joy. Don’t deny that it’s happening, don’t deny that it’s painful; but let your leading thought be joy.

And who does James get that from, other than the Messiah Himself “Who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross, disregarding (or despising) the shame?”

Ann: Yes.

Rechab: So, we can look at Jesus, Who didn’t deny what was about to happen. In the Garden of Gethsemane, He’s crying. It’s like He’s rending His soul before the Lord, and yet, “For the joy set before Him, He endured the cross, despising the shame.”

And in the same way, we don’t have to deny the suffering, but we just need to consider the joy. Count the joy, let the joy govern your thoughts, over all the other things that have happened.

Ann: That’s good.

Dave: That’s awesome.

Rechab: Yes.

Dave: Well, the other thing you said about her—it sounds like she’s like this joy-filled evangelist who carries grace.

Rechab: Yes.

Dave: Talk about grace.

Rechab: Yes. I’m definitely going to hold it together, but—

Ann: —but you’re feeling emotion?

Rechab: Yes, because it’s like I see how badly our current Christian culture needs what she has, and it breaks my heart, especially as a pastor, because it’s such a lost art. But I’ve pastored in so many different contexts, and especially since 2020—maybe it started before then, Christians have had these very visceral reactions to one another over things that should be considered petty.

Masks—shouting, turning red in the face, over what we put over our face. Voting—who are you behind? When I thought we don’t serve a President ultimately, but a King. And all these crazy, violent reactions and then, on top of that, people in my generation talk about, “Well, I was hurt at this church, so my church hurt says that I can just do church by myself.”

“This person did this to me, so I’m going to go talk about them, not talk to them,” and it’s all this yakking. Especially during 2020, when everything’s on Zoom or behind the keyboard, it became easy to demonize those you had disagreements with; but here’s a woman who’s really been through that, though.

Ann: For real.

Rechab: The real trauma, though; that real stuff. The stuff that they put in movies. And her only response is, “Christ has forgiven, so I must forgive.” And it’s not just words for her. You see her forgiveness of that person, specifically. It’s not just generalized. No, “I’m going to show that person they have been forgiven by the way in which I overly love them.”

Literally, my stomach is churning: can we please remind ourselves of the forgiveness Christ has given, and never forget that we were undeserving? This cannot be merited. This ain’t, “You got good grades, and Mom’s taking you out for ice cream.” This is, “You got expelled, and Dad’s giving you a pizza party.” This is undeserved grace, and there are few people in our lives who remind us of what it looks like to really believe that.

Jesus doesn’t keep score by our words, which is why He said, “I’m going to separate the sheep and the goats based on their life, their character.” Why? Because when you really believe it, it will be seen. My grandmother showed me she believes the words of Christ, and she believes in what the cross accomplished by how she lived her life and extended grace to people that I would deem very undeserving.

Shelby: I think we all need to ask God to make us more like Rechab’s grandmother, then watch the world around us change for Christ’s glory, and really see that reconciliation happen between ourselves and the other people in our lives who we maybe feel dissonant with, or maybe we’ve lost that kind of connection with. It’s only the grace of God that really can bond people in unique ways.

I’m Shelby Abbott, and you’ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Rechab and Brittany Gray on FamilyLife Today. It’s been so great to have the Grays with us these last three days. And I’m looking forward to tomorrow as well, because Jimmy and Kelly Needham are going to be here in the studio with Dave and Ann Wilson.

Kelly Needham has written a book called Purposefooled. Here’s the subtitle—get this: Why Chasing Your Dreams, Finding Your Calling, and Reaching for Greatness Will Never Be Enough. Wow! This book, Purposefooled by Kelly Needham, is going to be our gift to you when you give today to the ministry of FamilyLife. You can get your copy right now with any donation that you make.

You can just go online to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the “Donate Now” button at the top of the page. Or give us a call with your donation at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-“F” as in Family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” We really feel like this book, Purposefooled by Kelly Needham, will be helpful for your life.

You can also feel free to drop us something in the mail if you’d like. Our address is: FamilyLife, 100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, Florida 32832.

And as I said, coming up tomorrow [will be] Jimmy and Kelly Needham. What is it like to find true purpose in the mundane experiences of life, and how do you overcome things like marital resentment or redefining what a great marriage actually looks like? Well, Jimmy and Kelly are going to be here tomorrow with the Wilsons to talk about just that. We hope you’ll join us.

On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I’m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.

FamilyLife Today is a donor-supported production of FamilyLife^®, a Cru^® Ministry.

Helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.

We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you’ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider donating today to help defray the costs? 

Copyright ^© 2024 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.

1