Embryo Adoption & Infertility: Nana and Eric Dolce

Nana: I did ask God for a Scripture at some point, because this is such a unique way to adopt a child. I’m giving birth to my adopted child.

Ann: Yes.

Nana: Yes. After my prayer, our pastor preached on Psalm 139. When I read, that I said, “This embryo—” —this was before the transfer, and they’re so little; they’re less than the size of the head of a pin, and yet, according to this passage—God already knows the unformed body of this person.

Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.

Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!

Dave: Today is a special day.

Ann: It’s not only a special day.

Dave: We’ve got something we’ve never had. We’ve got Nana Dolce back for a week.

Ann: It’s Nana Dolce—

Dave and Ann: —Week!

Ann: How does that sound, Nana? [Laughter] Did you ever think you’d have a week named after you?

Nana: Listeners, I’m sorry for this voice all week, but I’m encouraged. I’m encouraged.

Dave: But now we [have] another voice—

Nana: —we do, we do.

Dave: —with the same last name. We’ve got Eric, your husband, in the studio. Eric, what do you think?

Eric: Grateful. It’s great to be here.

Dave: We’re glad you’re here. How many years have you guys been married?
 

Eric: It will be 16 in—

Eric and Nana: —August.

Dave: Tell us a little bit of your story. How did you guys meet?

Nana: Yes.

Eric: Basically, we have friends who are plotters and planners and schemers. [Laughter] I worked with a lady [who] would go home and say, “This great guy named Eric….” But then, her husband was the youth minister at a local church. He would go home and say, “This great girl named Nana….” They started talking and thinking and scheming about how we could finally get together, so they invited us to go out with them, and then left it to us to move forward.

Nana: I was leaving the D.C. area months after I met you.

Eric: Months, yes.

Nana: I was going to seminary in a whole different state, and I would be there for two years; but Eric was very committed to being my friend, so he would send care packages, he would read my papers—

Ann: —wait, wait, wait! You sent care packages? I am incredibly impressed right now.

Eric: Yes.

Ann: Is he romantic?

Nana: He’s thoughtful. He’s very thoughtful.

Ann: —super thoughtful.

Nana: Even now, he will remember, “This is the day we met 18 years ago.” I don’t remember these things. He marks them down.

Eric: April 21^st was our first date. [Laughter]

Dave: There you go.

Ann: That’s so sweet! I love it!

Let me ask you, Nana. You were discipled by Cru?

Nana: Yes.

Ann: We talked about that; how you had your fingers involved with Cru in the past. Take us back there, because you’ve been, basically, discipling us all week. It’s crazy that you were discipled through Cru and had some of your roots [there] back then.

Nana: Yes.

Ann: Was it before you met Eric?

Nana: It was before I met Eric. I mentioned along the way this week that I grew up in a family that didn’t model the kind of family that I wanted for my future. When I became a Christian, I knew: “I don’t know what a Christian wife is supposed to look like; I don’t know what a Christian husband is supposed to look like. I don’t know how this works, because I haven’t seen it.”

I turned to Scripture, but I also turned to resources like FamilyLife Today.

Ann: So, you were a listener of FamilyLife Today.

Nana: I was a listener. I was not anybody’s wife. I wasn’t anybody’s momma, but I would listen to prepare me. I would listen as a way of “Teach me what this looks like. teach me family life today in Christ.”

Ann: That’s so cool! Eric, what about you? Where did you get a foundation of following Jesus? What did that look like? Because you’re on staff at a church that you are both involved in.

Eric: I was saved in seventh grade, then our family moved back to Haiti. I was born here in the States, but my parents were from Haiti. I didn’t want to go to Haiti, but I found that the Lord definitely had His best in mind for me, because when I went to Haiti, the school I was at was for missionary kids, then, they opened it up for regular kids like me.

David Vintner was my principal and my prayer partner, but he was basically showing me what trusting God meant, which highlighted for me how I wasn’t trusting God. Then, definitely the ministry of R.C. Sproul, Ligonier Ministries, for sure, after that. I would say those are two pillars right there that helped me.

Dave: It’s really cool to hear how our broadcasts—R.C. [Sproul], FamilyLife, now podcast and radio—God can use.

Now, here’s my question about your marriage: best thing, worst thing; best thing, biggest struggle? What would you say? 

Eric: Ladies first.

Nana: Okay. I really like Eric. I feel like wherever he is, is my favorite place to be. I love him obviously, but I like him. I enjoy being with him, and I trust his thoughts if I need to make a decision. I think he’s really wise.

I was discipled by FamilyLife, and when I met this man, one of the first things we did was we read through the Bible. I think we had a Bible study—

Ann: —so you were dating?—

Nana: —as part of our courtship; yes. Then, we read Holiness of God by R.C. Sproul together. I’ve been influence by this man in so many ways. A lot of my friends appreciated my love for the Bible, but they thought, “Okay, Nana. Alrighty, here we go again!” [Laughter] But with Eric, I never had to apologize for that. We could go deep into Scripture, and I felt full every time I spoke with him.

Ann: What about you, Eric?

Eric: I grew up pretty much by myself in the house. I was a latchkey kid, basically.

Ann: You had siblings who were how much older?

Eric: Siblings who were 12, 16, and 17 years older than me, but I’m blessed, because I come home and the children that my wife bore and the child that we have adopted come greet me at the door. My wife cares for me very well. We’ve started something that’s really beautiful, and I’m grateful for the family that God has blessed me with through my wife.

Dave: You’re on an interesting journey right now.

Nana: We are.

Eric: That is true.

Dave: Let’s talk about that.

Nana: Yes.

Dave: You’re pregnant.

Nana: I am.

Dave: But it’s an interesting, unique—

Nana: It is.

Dave: Tell our listeners.

Ann: Tell us about your other kids, too, because you have two girls that are your bio kids.

Nana: Yes, they are. I call each of my children, “children born from prayer,” because we have biological children, but it doesn’t mean that it came quick and easy.

I think Jael was born—our daughter, who is now 12—was born three years after our marriage, and it was from praying, “Lord, please open the womb. Please open the womb.”

Ann: Did you have a time of infertility that you didn’t know if you could get pregnant?

Nana: I’d never sought medical treatment. It wasn’t anything that we pursued or really fought for apart from just praying and praying and praying.

Ann: I’m guessing that you read the Scriptures, and you read—this is what I’ve read over and over and over— “…and God opened her womb.”

Eric: That’s right.

Nana: Yes.

Ann: Is that what you were praying then?

Nana: It is. It’s what I was praying for. Then, we got pregnant with our daughter, Jael. She was born three years into our marriage. [We] prayed and fasted for a second one, and God sent Noel. [We had] two girls.

Then I said, “Okay, Lord, please give another one.” There’s a capacity for children, there’s a desire for children, and we love being parents. We love raising kids and want to nurture a generation that the Lord is pleased to use for His purposes. We wanted them to know something that we didn’t know, and we wanted more.

Ann: Yes.

Nana: So, we started praying; ten years of praying [Laughter] and believing, “Okay, the Lord can do it. He did it before. Lord, won’t You do it again?” I thought, “He’s going to do it the way that He did it before with the first two.”

Ann: Did you ever feel, at that point, discouraged or wonder, “Lord, why aren’t

You answering?”

Eric: It was a big mystery. As far as I was concerned, I wasn’t stressed about it; but I could sense that it was really heavy on Nana. His ways are higher than our ways; His thoughts are not our thoughts, so we have to be open to, “Well, if it’s not this way, is there a way other than?” We were then open. I think we were more open, especially when the pandemic hit. The pandemic was when we started thinking about adoption more seriously, I think.

Nana: Yes.

Eric: Is that right? Would you say—

Nana: Yes, it was. It was during the pandemic where it occurred to me that I was praying for God to open the womb, and I heard one sermon that helped me to see that “let Your will be done” doesn’t always mean that He’ll answer it the way I think He will.

For the first time, it occurred to me that God might send a child, but maybe not through the womb. So, we started thinking about foster care. We started the process. It took nine months for us to be licensed, which is funny. We were called to pick up a three-week-old baby from the hospital.

This child had been born. Mom gave birth to him, and then she named him; but she left, and she couldn’t be found. There were family [members] that were found. They loved him, but didn’t have the capacity to take him, so he needed to go somewhere. Our daughters were praying specifically for a brother. [Laughter]

Eric: That’s right.

Ann: Were they?

Nana: They had been praying for four years for a brother.

Eric: —every night, every day.

Nana: They were so, so committed. They would eat cereal in the morning [and pray], “Lord, thank you for my cereal. Please give me a baby brother.” [Laughter]

Eric: I would come back from Sunday school to go pick up, especially, our youngest daughter. Her Sunday school teacher would take me to the side and say, “You know, she’s telling everybody that the Lord is giving her a brother.”

Dave: Really?

Eric: I said, “That’s her faith, and we’re praying.” They were committed, because the Lord had already answered prayers for a bunk bed and bicycles. [Laughter] So—

Dave: —why not a kid?

Eric: —why not?

Dave: —why not a baby brother?

Eric: It goes with B. [Laughter] So, let’s do it. “He did it before,” kind of thing.

Nana: What was amazing, actually, is [that] while we were in the process of being licensed to foster, one of the grandmothers at our church [gave us] a bunch of baby boy clothes and toys, and she gave all these things for our boy. It was at that point—

Eric: —that was December.

Nana: —it was December—I said, “I think God is going to send us a baby boy.” In March, we were called that this little boy needed somewhere to go.

Eric: May.

Nana: It was May. Yes, you’re right. We were licensed in March/April.

Dave: You started as a foster parent with him.

Nana: We started—he was our first placement. He was only 24 days old. He came into our home. There were never any visits, because his mom couldn’t be found.

Ann: Did you keep the same name?

Nana: Yes, the name that his mom gave him, we maintained it as his middle name. We had to give him a different first name, however, because every member of our family has a four letter first name.

Ann: I love it.

Nana: His name is Ezra. We gave him that name because Ezra means “help” and God was his help. God has been his help.

Then there’s a passage in Ezra that says that he, Ezra, “put his heart on God’s Word,” not only to know it and to teach it, but to do it. [Ezra 7:10, Paraphrased] That’s our prayer for our son, that he would be a true Ezra who doesn’t just quote Scripture, but he does it. And that he would always see God as his help.

Dave: Let’s talk about what’s going on now, because you’re pregnant.

Nana: Sure, I am.

Ann: Baby number four.

Nana: Baby number four. After we adopted Ezra—Ezra is ten years younger than our daughters—we knew we wanted to adopt again really for Ezra to have someone to grow up with.

Ann: Yes.

Nana: We chose not to do foster care again, because the point of foster care is reunification. Our son’s story was a little different, because there was no one to be reunified with.

We decided to look into another form of adoption that a lot of people don’t know about: embryo adoption. In embryo adoption, what happens is when couples do IVF, and they have embryos remaining—so sometimes, maybe they’ll have ten embryos, and they will transfer and maybe have a family of four, they have remaining embryos that are left that they don’t have the capacity to bring into their family.

Their choice is to give these embryos to science, to discard them, to keep them frozen indefinitely, or to donate them to a couple who wants to have more children. There’s a Christian ministry called The National Embryo Donation Center in Nashville, Tennessee. They say, “Give us these embryos, and we will operate like this is a true adoption.”

Ann: Yes.

Nana: The couples have to have a home study. The woman has to go through extensive medical examination to make sure that they are giving the embryos the best chance at life. Then, they encourage open adoption, so they want a relationship between the donating and the receiving families so that child knows their full story.

Ann: I didn’t know that part. Interesting.

Nana: Some couples donate anonymously, and they say, “We don’t want that.” They’ll receive that as well, and it will be a closed adoption.
 

We went through this process. We were matched with two embryos that had been frozen for 21 years.

Ann: Whoa!

Nana: The parents, unfortunately, divorced at some point. The mom had some medical issues and wasn’t able to carry any of the embryos that they had created. She is not parenting any children on earth. They were so hopeful for life for these last two embryos. They were excited to be paired with us, and both embryos were transferred in December. Sadly, the Lord did take one. One went straight home to heaven. But the second is due in August.

Ann: That is miraculous—

Nana: —yes.

Ann: —in many ways, and it’s such a pro-life move. What a sweet gift. I didn’t know [about] the relationship between the donor.

Nana: Was that awkward? What was the relationship like with getting to know this woman?

Eric: It’s like any relationship, you’re starting off not knowing the person. NEDC’s done a really good job introducing us and just kind of getting the ball started. There’s a lot of paperwork involved (a bunch of notary signatures and all of those things) to really help manage expectations on both sides. That’s where it began. We recently met that genetic mom face to face.

We’re managing and figuring out the way forward. We’ve been greatly encouraged, because, with our son, Ezra, we’re in touch with his biological family every two months or so. We try to hang out—

Nana: —[with] his grandmother.

Eric: Yes; because we’ve had that kind of relationship with them, we’ve been open to and are hopeful for and praying through a chance to have something similar, as time and space allow. But we’re open, and we’re hopeful, and we want to maintain that for the sake of this child.

Ann: This little embryo is a life. It’s a human life.

Nana: Yes.

Eric: Like every other life. Like we were.

Ann: Exactly. I’m sure many of these are discarded. They’re not even thought of as human life, so this organization is valuing life and prolife.

Eric: Amen.

Ann: You have decided to make sure that this little child is not discarded. You’re carrying this baby.

Nana: Yes.

Ann: You know what? I think of the gospel that’s spreading out as you two, your family, your girls, your son, are impacting all of those around you.

Dave: How have you seen Jesus in this?

Nana: His point reminded me [that] I think there are a million frozen embryos in the U.S.

Dave: Are there really?

Nana: In the U.S. alone—

Eric: —at least.

Nana: —at least.

I did ask God for a Scripture at some point, because this is such a unique way to adopt a child. I’m giving birth to my adopted child.

Ann: Yes.

Nana: Yes. It’s an amazing way to adopt a child. There was a moment where I needed a passage to put my foot on for a foundation. I remember praying for that. That Sunday, after my prayer, our pastor preached on Psalm 139. Verses 13-16 just struck me, especially verse 15, that says:

“My frame was not hidden from You,

when I was being made in secret,

    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in Your book were written, every one of them,

    [the days that were formed for me,

    when as yet there was none of them.]”

When I read that I said, “this embryo—”—this was before the transfer, and they’re so little; they’re less than the size of the head of a pin, and yet, according to this passage—God already knows the unformed body of this person and every single day of the life, the story God is writing, God already knows it.

It struck me, what an honor to be woven into this story; because I didn’t have to be this person’s mother, and yet God, in His mercy and His sovereignty, has chosen me to be the mother to carry this child and to give birth to this child. It is an honor to be part of the story that He’s writing for this person.

Ann: This makes me cry.

Dave: What a beautiful plan of God.

Nana: Yes.

Ann: A picture of our adoption in Christ. But also, for you guys, you had years where you wondered. You knew God was hearing, but to see the way in which He’s answered those prayers.

What would you say to those who are considering? Maybe they can’t conceive themselves, or how would you encourage those that maybe they’ve had several miscarriages, and they feel so lost and alone? What would you say to them?

Nana: Infertility is so painful. It reminds me of the story of Hannah. I always think how Hannah, God’s name Jehovah Sabaoth, the Lord of hosts, that’s the first place in Scripture we read that title for God. It means the General of Heaven, the Lord of armies. You would think that name would come at the Battle of Jericho or would come at the Red Sea when He’s defeating Pharaoh, but it comes in the prayers of this little woman who is begging God for a child.

It reminds me that He fights for us in small and in big ways. [For] that woman who is praying over the babies that she is losing and longing for, He’s the General of Heaven and He hears you. Infertility is so painful, and you can’t do anything about it, because God gives life no matter how it comes. He hears you, but that prayer might be answered in a way that maybe you don’t expect.

Eric: Ultimately, you have to trust God. You have to believe that He really is sovereign. All of the stuff that you hear about, you have to actually take it in and say, “Do I trust this? Do I believe what the Bible is saying or am I going to live according to what it feels like right now?”

That’s the ultimate end of it; but I think, additionally, God has not left us by ourselves to figure it out on our own. We have the church. The question is: “Am I going to avail myself of everything that the Lord is giving me, or am I going to try and stick it out just me and my Bible and God?”

If you are suffering and feeling the pain of any kind of loss, I don’t believe it’s God’s will to sit and suffer by yourself. I think that’s part of what community is for; it’s part of what the church is for, what your pastors are here for, and what your brothers and sisters in the pew are here for.

You don’t know what kind of resources God has for you unless you are open to all of the resources God has for you, and that includes the body of Christ. At some point, reaching out and being honest about your pain will reveal a lot more than what you on your own can figure out.

Dave: It’s beautiful to think someday this boy or girl—because you don’t know what he or she is yet—

Nana: –I don’t know. [Laughter]

Dave: —is going to be running around your church with 80-year-old grandmothers and others pouring into him or her because you gave them life.

Ann: I would remind our listeners, if you feel that nudge, even as you’re listening to this story for foster care, for adoption, for adopting an embryo, start praying into that and ask God to continue to reveal to you what He has for you, because there are a lot of little kids, little babies, little embryos that need a home.

Nana, let me say “thank you” for this week. You have inspired all of us—your walk with God, your family. Eric, thank you. I look at you and I think, “You are a mighty man.” To hear the words that Nana said about you—that’s what we’re all longing for.

Dave: Yes.

Ann: Your marriage is a reflection of Jesus. Thank you for your faithfulness. You have both inspired us. Thank you for this week.

Nana: Amen. Thank you for having us.

Shelby: I’m Shelby Abbott, and you’ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Eric and Nana Dolce on FamilyLife Today.

Wow! What an amazing story, what an amazing time today, hearing how God has worked in both of their lives. If you want to hear more of Nana specifically, she’s written a book called The Seed of the Woman: 30 Narratives that Point to Jesus. This book acts as a description of the profound role of women in shaping the redemptive history of Scripture and finding your place in the unfolding story of Jesus Christ.

This book is going to be our gift to you when you give to FamilyLife Today. You can get your copy right now with any donation that you make by going online to FamilyLifeToday.com and clicking on the “Donate Now” button at the top of the page. Or you can give us a call with your donation at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” And feel free to drop your donation in the mail if you’d like. Our address is FamilyLife, 100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, Florida 32832.

Coming up next week, we’re going to explore the theological significance of diversity and humility with my friend, Rechab Gray and his wife, Brittany. That will be next week. We hope you’ll join us.

On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I’m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.

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