WWJD in Your Neighborhood: Rechab & Brittany Gray

Rechab: We didn’t move here to be church planters. We moved here as missionaries. It’s just a different mindset.

Ann: Yes.

Rechab: Actually, this isn’t our home. None of this is ours. We’re just missionaries, scattered. 1 Peter [says] “elect exiles.” [1 Peter 1:1] We’ve been exiled, chosen by God, to be right where we are, so everything we do is: “Let’s just be missionaries.”

Shelby: Welcome to FamilyLife Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I’m Shelby Abbott, and your hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifeToday.com.

Ann: This is FamilyLife Today!

Dave: We’ve got a couple of passionate people in the studio today.

Ann: I wish they’d be more passionate. [Laughter] It’s like they don’t have any passion. We’ll have to stir it up in them today. [Laughter]

Dave: We’ve got so much passion that we overwhelm them. [Laughter] I felt like, yesterday, this wave was coming at us from Rechab and Brittany Gray. They’re back.

Ann: Right, yes.

Dave: Yesterday was a foundational theology of diversity. If you missed it, go back, because I don’t want to rehash everything; but there was this—if you understand who God is, then you understand what He wants us as His community to be, it’s unity, even though we’re different.

Rechab: Yes.

Dave: But you have a passion for hospitality.

Rechab: Yes.

Ann: Which, to me, is part of it.

Dave: That’s what I want to know: what does that look like?

Rechab: On the practical end of things—you can speak more to this, even as a mom and as a wife—[is]: our house has had to become that, all the way back to Philly.

Brittany: That’s where our marriage started, where we had, what was it? A 900-square-foot townhouse. [Laughter]

Rechab: Not even; not even. Less than [that]. It was like 850-something.

Dave: That’s bigger than the one we started in—

Brittany: —yes. [Laughter]

Dave: —in Lincoln, Nebraska.

Ann: But did you open those doors?

Brittany: We did, we did; specifically to our neighbors. We weren’t even trying to invite church friends. It was challenging because, even culturally—that’s interesting to say, culturally—[in] our neighborhood, everyone looked like us, everyone was black, but culturally—we all came from different backgrounds; everyone grew up in different settings and had different expectations and different ideas of what it meant to visit someone’s home.

Ann: Oh, yes.

Brittany: Even within our own community, we had to have an idea of, “Okay, how do we be hospitable within our people group?” ironically.

Ann: What did that look like? Did you just go out into the neighborhood and say, “Hey, do you want to come over for dinner?” [Laughter]

Rechab: I feel like a lot of it, at that time, started with kids.

Ann: Yes, that’s the easiest avenue in, right?

Rechab: It is, it is.

Brittany: Absolutely, yes.

Rechab: I think in evangelism, we’ve just got to—not use our kids, but…. [Laughter]

Ann: —take advantage of that time in their life.

Rechab: Oh, absolutely.

Brittany: Absolutely.

Rechab: Because they’re so disarming. Even with a wicked heart, you’re going to be a lot less harsh with children, so I think that was a big deal.

Bragging on my wife, I set up an actual—it wasn’t a ten-foot basketball court, but it was metal backboard. This was an 800-square-foot spot. So, we didn’t have a lot of space in our crib, at all. But she let us put an actual basketball court in the crib. It [wasn’t] anything to write home about, but it was—[Laughter]—a little Walmart plastic jump but with a metal rim, like a real jump.

Ann: Yes.

Rechab: It would come through, and it would be loud and crazy and not clean; but orderly, though. But there was still a lot going on.

Ann: Yes.

Rechab: And somebody—my wife—had to order the chaos. When you have the beauty of a lot, plus order, there’s something inherently hospitable about that that’s very inviting. Because on the a-lot-ness, nobody’s walking on eggshells because they feel like everything has to be perfectly clean and put in the spot. No, it didn’t have to be like that. But at the same time, “Here’s what we’re not going to do: this is the language we’re going to use; we’re not going to use this language. Here’s when we’re going to play. After this, we’re going to pray.”

There were just so many things laid out that made you feel like this was a place of comfort—

Ann: —and security.

Rechab: —and security.

Ann: —for kids that had none of that.

Rechab: Yes, yes.

Ann: I’m telling you, this is my passion, too. For Dave and me, when we moved into one of our first homes (we had rented that apartment before, with the Plexiglas), you know that joy and sports and fun are magnets. We decided, as one of our values, too, that our house would be the magnet and the light of the world, as Scripture says, on our street.

What is a magnet? Joy; fun.

Rechab: Yes.

Ann: It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from, people want to laugh, and they want to be themselves. So, we decided, “Let’s create a place where all the kids in the neighborhood want to come. We had no money. We were starting a church; we were poor!

Rechab: Wow.

Brittany: Yes.

Ann: But we saved coins to buy our first trampoline; remember that?

Dave: Yes.

Ann: And then, some guy ripped down his deck, and Dave used the wood to build this—

Dave: —treehouse.

Ann: —amazing treehouse.

Rechab: That’s cool!

Dave: The bad thing is, the tree house was pretty close to the trampoline; so, one day, we came home and our sons were standing on, not the deck of the treehouse, the roof of the treehouse—

Ann: —yes, this thing was way, way up.

Dave: —ready to launch onto the trampoline, probably 20 feet below.

Ann: Yes.

Dave: Anyway, [Laughter] that treehouse and that trampoline brought the neighborhood.

Dave: There were all kinds of kids and, sometimes, they bugged the heck out of [us and we thought], “Could you go home now?” Hospitality is messy, isn’t it?

Brittany: Oh, yes.

Rechab: Yes, it is. I think one of the things, even in this conversation, is [that] you had a treehouse and a trampoline; we had a little 800-square-foot house.

Ann: It doesn’t matter!

Rechab: It doesn’t matter what you have; all that matters is you are using what you have.

Ann: Exactly.

Rechab: It really is that simple.

Ann: And kids don’t care.

Rechab: No.

Ann: They don’t care.

Rechab: At all! How many times [have] you bought your kids a toy, and they end up playing with the box that the toy came in?

Ann: Yes!

Rechab: They really don’t care. It’s more about—

Ann: —but they care about what they feel like when they’re in that home.

Rechab: Amen.

Ann: You talk about the gospel and hospitality; they go together hand in hand.

Rechab: I would say, now, she’s more leading that far more here than even at Philly— with our neighbors here—and is just here to serve.

Brittany: Yes.

Dave: What’s your vision behind that? Obviously, you started right when you got married in Philly. Now you’re in Florida, and you’re still doing it. There’s a passion and a vison underneath that. What is it?

Rechab: I think the simplest way to put it is: we came here even to plant a church. We just kept saying, “We didn’t move here to be church planters. We moved here as missionaries.”

Ann: Oh, yes.

Rechab: When you start to think like missionaries, because we’ve both been on missions, it’s just a different mindset.

Ann: Yes.

Rechab: You know your time isn’t yours. You know you’re there for the business, for the work.

Us coming in as missionaries, it’s almost like, if we can envision being a 20-, 30-year missionary in the place where we live—that’s what our kids will rehearse; that’s what we’ve rehearsed. Everything we do is: “Let’s be missionaries.”

Even when it gets annoying, as a missionary, you’re not thinking like that. But it’s only when it’s your home do you start to get super annoyed by ministry. If we stop thinking like that and think, “Actually, this isn’t our home. None of this is ours. We’re just missionaries, scattered. First Peter [says] “elect exiles.” We’ve been exiled, chosen by God, to be right where we are.” I feel like that has been the major, major, major thing.

Dave: I want to say this (here’s what I thought): it isn’t just kids. Rechab said something that made me think, “Oh, yes, that happens.” Sometimes, I’ve found—Ann isn’t as much as me, I think—when the kids or the neighbors are coming over, and it could even be parents, there’s part of me that’s possessive about the house: the drywall, the paint, the trim—

Rechab: [Laughter] —yes.

Dave: —the carpet, the TV, my guitars; you name it. [Laughter]

I mean, I sound like a possessive idiot—

Ann: —materialistic, maybe?

Dave: —materialistic. I think, “You can’t touch that,” and “I don’t want them to break things.” That can be a discouragement to hospitality, as much as anything. I’ll go to their house. I don’t want them all in my house—[Laughter] —because I like nice things. “You’re scratching my granite countertop.”

Ann: It’s a good thing you married me! [Laughter] Let me tell you: I keep our house clean—

Dave: —oh, it’s super clean.

Ann: —but I’m telling you, when you go into our basement, there is a huge hole in the drywall. [Laughter] These boys were in the basement playing basketball on one of those mini nerf [goals]. Now, they’re getting a little bigger, so we’ve got 12-year-olds going through the drywall. I would walk down there, and I was so proud of that! I thought, “These guys are having a blast.”

Dave: Anyway, have you ever experienced that? Because I want to be hospitable; I want to love my neighbor, but sometimes it’s inconvenient, and I think, “They’re going to put a stain on my new couch.”

Rechab: We have literally used the word “surrender.” I feel like that has been [from] day one, that every house we’ve had, we’ve had to surrender, because real rap [seriously], though, it’s happened so early in every house that it’s just like—

Ann: —yes!

Dave: It’s like a reminder.

Rechab: Your first dent in your car, your first time scuffing up your sneaks, it’s like, once it happens [you think], “Alright. I’m cool now.” But until that happens, you’re very, very [uptight], but once it happens [you think], “This is over.”

Dave: Yes.

Rechab: I feel like, in every house—when we were in Philly, it happened very quickly. [Laughter]

Brittany: We probably did it ourselves the first time. [Laughter]

Rechab: Yes, right. I feel like, in our second house, our kids were at such an age where they were going to mess something up. Now, we’ve got a three- and a four-year-old. [Laughter] When you’ve got that—they’ve already written on my office [wall]; when you’ve got that—it’s almost like there is something about the relief that it brings when it finally gets messed up, that you’re not as anxious anymore, and it’s a reminder, “This is all the Lord’s anyway, and He wants to use it.”

Brittany: Yes.

Rechab: I will say this, especially with our particular needs, to anybody listening: it isn’t sweet, though, especially for a mom and a wife. It isn’t saying, “This is easy,” to have your home open all the time.

How many kids have come over to our crib, but also, dudes who are always in the house, who I’m discipling? This is going all the way back to Philly. Another dude she has to feed. That’s money. “Another mouth to feed.” Then, it also messes up the comfort of: “It’s just us.”

There are all of those things that I feel like Brittany carries in a unique way, that all I can do is shout out the moms by celebrating my own wife. We would not be a hospitable home if it weren’t for her serenity. It’s almost like the serenity came through surrender. A long time ago she resolved, “This isn’t hers.” So, God has been faithful to use that. I’ve seen so many people blessed by that. Thank you on air for being you and not making it a stressful environment for people. It’s a massive, massive blessing. Thank you.

Dave: That’s a perspective!

Ann: And a gift of hospitality.

Rechab: Yes.

Dave: That’s like an eternal perspective, big picture. I don’t know if you know the name Patrick Morley, who wrote a book called Man in the Mirror, but I had him do chapel for us, the Detroit Lions, when we came down to Tampa to play the Buccs, because that’s where he lived. I’ll never forget him sharing a story.

He made a lot of money in business. I can’t remember exactly [how much], but in the millions. They had a really nice house. He tells this story about their little boy or girl, at three or four years old, scratching the coffee table (an expensive coffee table), and him sort of losing it. His wife said, “I’m not going to allow us to yell at a billion-dollar kid over a 500-dollar coffee table.”

Rechab: Woo!

Dave: I’ll never forget that story. It’s like [saying], “Get this in perspective. That kid right there is worth—there’s no number.

Brittany: That’s good; that’s good.

Dave: “It’s our child, and that coffee table can be replaced. Even though it’s a really nice one, and he just put a scratch on it, we are not going to protect this house like it’s a tabernacle. We’re going to let our kids be kids.”

Ann: It’s not that we don’t try to take care of our stuff, but when it becomes an idol, that’s when it’s a different story.

Dave: Yes. [During] the discussion we were just having, I was thinking: your neighbors’ kids are that valuable. The whole idea of hospitality isn’t because we want to be nice to our neighbors. It’s because we have a dream that they would know our Jesus.

Rechab: Yes.

Dave: That’s why we’re having them in our house, and that’s why we’re allowing craziness to happen. Our vision is bigger. God has planted us somewhere.

Brittany: That’s good.

Dave: At FamilyLife, we call it “Make an impact on your corner of the world.” Well, that’s your corner.

Rechab: So good.

Dave: Your corner is right here. We’ve got a corner.

I can value a house that’s going to be in a garbage dump someday—

Rechab: —sure, come on!

Dave: —or I can value people and say, “Okay, He’s put us here as a light. Everybody around us is in darkness, and our house is a tool. Let’s treat it like that.”

Rechab: Come on!

Rechab: That’s so beautiful.

Ann: I think, too—I find this for Dave and me at this stage—because [with] kids, it was easy to open the doors. We had kids in there constantly, but now we’re older. I find, even here in Florida, people kind of stay to themselves. Have you noticed that?

Rechab and Brittany: Yes.

Ann: In Michigan, you have these cold winters. When we’re there, people pull into their garages, and they shut the garage door. You never see them until spring.

Brittany: Yes.

Ann: So, for us to have that vision, we have to be intentional and to pray. I think one of that greatest gifts you can give your family is to pray as a family for the people you’re around, for your neighborhood, [so] that your kids would know, “We’re praying for John.”

Rechab: Yes.

Ann: “He doesn’t know Jesus. We’re praying that he will.”

Rechab and Brittany: Yes.

Ann: “We’re praying about how we can love Miss Janet, because she doesn’t have anyone. How can we love her and be a light?”

Rechab: Yes, come on.

Ann: I remember Cody, our son, when we were doing a series at our church—what did he call it?

Dave: We called it “Color of Your Dishes,” and actually presented this as a series to our teaching team. We said, “You’re calling a series ‘Color of Your Dishes’?” [Laughter] What is this series about? He looked at us like we were all ancient. We are. We’re all like 30 years older. He said, “Discipleship.”

We asked, “What do you mean?”

He said, “If you disciple someone, they know the color of your dishes.” In other words, they’d better be in your house to know the color of your dishes. That’s what discipleship looks like.

Rechab: That’s it!

Dave: [We said], “That’s a really good series. Let’s do it!” [Laugh]

Rechab: That’s it. Wow!

Dave: But it’s true. If you don’t know the color of people’s dishes, you haven’t gotten that intimate, and God wants us to get close. It’s going to be messy. They’re going to bug you, and you’re going to bug them. Guess what? That’s the Kingdom.

Ann: Let’s talk about application. We’ve been talking about that the whole time, but let’s give our listeners a little vision of some things they could do, either as families with kids, or families with kids who are older and what that could look like.

Rechab: I’d say the big things, both for Brittany and myself, are exactly what you said. I never heard the colored dishes, but bringing people into what you are already doing is discipleship. This is so modeled by Jesus. I feel like discipleship gets so complicated, because [we think], “I’ve got to add a new thing to do to my already busy schedule.”

When you think about it like that, one, it does feel overwhelming, if you are a busy person; and, two, it actually won’t make the impact that you want it to make, because they’re still not seeing you in your own element.

My thing is, “I’m not about to add something else to my schedule. You’re going to come to the crib. You’re going to see me doing dishes. Sometimes, I’m going to have to leave you at the table, because I have to go put the kids to bed, or I have to go pray over the kids. It’s going to be what it is. [You can] twiddle your thumbs, read your Bible [Laughter] while that’s happening, but even me leaving you is helping you to see something about what it looks like to be a father; that my kids are my priority right now.”

“You might have to wait for me and Britt to get done with this conversation. That’s okay [for] you [to] see that. You’re just coming through, and you’re just going to rock.” Especially for when we’re discipling singles, what a gift it is to bring them into a family that functions like that. So, I’d say that’s one thing.

The second thing I will say is that the clock can be the greatest hindrance to deep discipleship.

Ann: Yes.

Rechab: When you’re on a 30 minute: “Alright, wrap it up!” We don’t date like that, so we shouldn’t disciple like that. Could you imagine going on a date with somebody, and every 15 minutes—it’s telling you all the signs of, “You don’t want to be here with me.”

In the very same way, we should allow for time to be free. If you need to set aside a larger slot; maybe they’re not going to be there for the full two hours, but you set aside two hours where they’re going to be there. They might only be there for 30 minutes or 45 minutes, but you’re not confined by a 30-minute clock.

Ann: That’s good.

Rechab: The reason why that’s important [to me], even as a busy dude who travels a lot, is because that really makes it intentional for me, to make sure I’m not adding things. Two hours can feel daunting if I’ve got to entertain for two hours. But if I’m just being a husband and a father, it isn’t doing anything to me.

I get that from what I call “a theology of reclining” from Jesus. In John 13, Jesus is reclining. Throughout all the meals in the New Testament, Jesus is reclining. I’m glad New Testament translators did not translate that as simply sit, because it matters that He’s reclining.

When you’re reclining, you aren’t going anywhere. It’s like reclining on a couch. You aren’t going anywhere. It is a posture of rest. Most of the time, though, we have the exact opposite posture when it comes to these relationships—

Ann: —especially Americans, in our culture.

Rechab: Yes!

Dave: Rushing.

Rechab: Yes, we’re rushing to the next thing,—

Ann: —yes.

Rechab: —the next appointment, and those things now cloud out the one thing He told us to do, which is make disciples. But when you have a theology of just reclining, you relax! We’ve got a statement: “Just calm down.”

Ann: But don’t say that to your wife! [Laughter]

Rechab: No, only to dudes. I only say that to dudes.

Ann: Yes.

Rechab: Only to dudes: “Just calm down.” Don’t say it to your wife! But just calm down. Let it be what it is, and you’ll see what that does. I love that our Lord Jesus—who should have been busier than Christ, the Son of God?

Ann: Yes.

Rechab: I think He had a job to do that was kind of important. Yet He had to time to recline?

That alone should make us question how busy we really are, and how busy we really should be. Nobody had that much of an important job, [more] than Him, and He was able to sit and be with people, with strangers, just chilling out. Can you imagine your Messiah lying down? I think about that, and I think, “Wow!” What that must have done for the people around Him: “You really see me. You want to be with me.” If we could practice the same thing, the theology of reclining: “Let’s chill out. Let’s talk. What’s really going on in your life?”

“Oh yes, everything is….”

“Chill out. What’s really going on? Let’s talk.”

“Yes, you know [the] kids, man, they’ve got a baseball game.”

“I hear you. [Quietly] Now, what’s really going on?”

Sometimes, it takes six of those questions for us to get underneath, underneath, underneath to the point where they say, “Alright. Honestly, I’ve been stressed out because this is around the season that I lost my mother. It’s really scary around this time, because I feel lonely again. Even sitting here, I’m anxious because she was the only one I could confide in like this.”

Now, we’re getting somewhere. It’s the theology of reclining, and our Lord Jesus practiced it beautifully.

Shelby: As Rechab was talking there a second ago, I thought about how intentionality is so important as you have conversations with your family, your friends, your neighbors, and anyone else in your life, really. Intentionality to keep asking the questions that get to the heart of what people are wrestling with. Go after the roots in your own heart, yes, and in other people’s hearts, as well, and you’ll start to practice the theology of reclining, just the way we heard about.

I’m Shelby Abbott, and you’ve been listening to Dave and Ann Wilson with Rechab and Brittany Gray on FamilyLife Today. It’s been such a blessing to have them on this program, and they’re going to be back again tomorrow. I’m excited about that.

After tomorrow, we get to hear from the Needhams. Jimmy and Kelly Needham are going to be here. Kelly has actually written a book called Purposefooled: Why Chasing Your Dreams, Finding Your Calling, and Reaching for Greatness—get this—Will Never Be Enough. Wow! [That’s] provocative.

If you’re feeling disillusioned by the pressure to live this extraordinary life that people keep talking about and seeking a deeper sense of purpose in everyday moments, this book is going to be a guide for you, and it will also be a balm for you. The insights that Kelly gives in it will be helpful as we push against what the culture is telling you to do all the time.

Again, the book is called Purposefooled by Kelly Needham. We believe in it so much that this book is going to be our gift to you when you give to the ministry of FamilyLife.

You can get your copy right now with any donation that you make. Just go online to FamilyLifeToday.com and click on the “Donate Now” button at the top of the page to give your gift. Or you can give us a call with your donation at 800-358-6329; again, that number is 800-“F” as in family, “L” as in life, and then the word, “TODAY.” Or feel free to drop us a donation in the mail if you’d like. Our address is: FamilyLife, 100 Lake Hart Drive, Orlando, Florida 32832.

Now, coming up tomorrow, what’s it looks like to explore faith, marriage, and parenting through the element of crisis. Many of us go through crises that we experience all day, every day. What’s it like to explore marriage and parenting through that? Rechab and Brittany Gray are going to be back, as they navigate their daughter’s illness through courage and prayer. That’s coming up tomorrow. We hope you’ll join us.

On behalf of Dave and Ann Wilson, I’m Shelby Abbott. We will see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.

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WWJD in Your Neighborhood: Rechab & Brittany Gray

Show Notes

About the Host

About the Guest

Dave and Ann Wilson

Rechab Gray